Jessica Nichole

Pillow Talk

2011-06-18T18:36:00.000-06:00

Scene: Mom, Oliver, Austin and I pushed together two queen beds in a hotel room. Boys are in the middle. Mom and I are pretending to sleep.

Austin while rubbing Olliver's face:"Ollie, when we get home, you can sleep in my bed because you make me feel safe. You are a scratcher and you can scratch all the T-Rex's away, so you make me feel safe."

Oliver: "O-tay. Scratch my back."

Austin scratches for a 2 minutes or so: "Does that feel nice? You have such a cute face. I love you. Does that feel good Ollie?"

Oliver: "Yes, scratch my back."

Austin: "Okay, but my hand is getting tired."

Oliver: "Scratch my back."

Austin: "Oliver, my hand is getting tired so, I'll just scratch with one finger."

Oliver: "No, more"

Austin: "Ok, I'll use my two fingers. But Oliver? My hand is getting really tired."

Oliver: "O-tay"

They lay there.

Austin: "Ollie? Will you scratch my back?"

Oliver: "O-tay."

Scratches for 5 seconds

Oliver: "That's enough!"

I am pretty excited to listen to their conversations when they start sharing a room :)

Tea Time

2011-05-04T22:36:00.000-06:00

"It makes my tongue want to dance." - Austin, age 3 years 8 months and commenting on his first cup of tea. I've been turning to tea as my afternoon sweet indulgence now that I don't snack on cookies or chocolate and he's been watching me. "Do kids drink tea?" he asks. "Sure" I've said. "Want some?"

"No"

Then yesterday he wanted some. We had tea time. Each had our own cup, sat at the table, and talked for 20 minutes or so. It was nice. A respite from the whining we've had due to sickness and ear infections and exhaustion. We talked about sugar, and how it dissolves. We got out the salt and did a fun experiment. We got out the cornstarch and compared how the two dissolve. We laughed.

This morning he asked for a tea time, and again this afternoon. I don't think I'll ever say no. To get to know him like this is my favorite part of parenting.

His love for tea has happened just like any other thing he likes. On his timeline, his terms. He will sit and study, refuse to participate until he understands the rules, and then try it out. Sometimes with nobody looking (or thinking they are looking). He studies, observes, and thinks all the time. He asks for "snuggles" maybe 5 times a day where he just wants me to sit on the couch and let him rest on my lap thinking. Sometimes I will ask, "what are you thinking about?" and sometimes he will tell me. Last week it was, "Well, do you remember when we played with water balloons? When all my friends were over and we threw them when they were hiding in the back of our car?" That day was almost exactly a year ago, but he was thinking about it and was "thinking it would be fun to try that again." Ok kiddo, you got it.

I compare him and Oliver not in a competitive way, but in a fun, this is crazy they come from the same parents kind of way.

Oliver who will climb in our lap and try just about anything. Will grab whatever you are eating and take it as his own. He who speaks in full sentences and asks things that I didn't even know he thinks about. He can sing full songs, make jokes, and hide until you really don't think you'll find him because he'll just lie there. Silently.

On May 10th, Oliver will be exactly the age Austin was when Ollie was born. At that time Austin was starting his speech therapy. He could sit and do puzzles for a long time, build boxes, find any animal in our games, string beads together, play games where people take turns and was surviving off of pretzels and peanut butter. The only thing I have seen Oliver have that kind of attention span for is for playing with play-doh, and truthfully, after a couple minutes he is either eating it, feeding it to the dogs, or smashing it into something he shouldn't.

Parenting Oliver is exhausting and hilarious. He has us laughing most minutes, even when it is the kind of laughter that is an I can't believe this is happening kind of giggle. He knows how to drive our cars, put the key in the ignition and push the button to make his CD's pop out. He then yells at the CD player the line of the song he wants to hear (Favorite right now: Baby, You Can Drive My Car: Beatles, Line: Beep Beep YEAH!). He will throw anything into the bathtub and turn the water on. The other day he was standing on my (closed) laptop and yelled for me, "Mama! Look!" He can be running full blast and stop so fast he falls over because he found a bug to follow. He likes to sleep with a tractor and will eat holding a screw driver that he then uses to stir his milk and poke holes in food. He declares everything is "his." If you call him a goof ball (or a funny kid or a poop machine...thanks Austin) his reply is, "No, I'm Ollie." And he is.

Parenting these two is nothing short of fun. I enjoy most every moment, and when I don't I shut myself in a room and call a friend. I think being parented by me is mostly fun for them too. When it's not, they tell me to go away (well, Oliver will anyway) and they play with a friend (each other). Our tea times had me thinking about the day when I will actually have a conversation with Oliver that goes beyond the basic question/answer communication we have now. I have a feeling his way of thinking will be completely different than Austin's and it will be interesting to get to know him like that. I thought about developing tea time into something special, kind of like a right of passage. When they get old enough to have a conversation, they can sit down to tea. Then Oliver woke from his nap and Austin went running up the stairs. Before Ollie was even out of his crib I heard:
Austin: Ollie! I had tea with Mommy! Do you want some? It's orange!
Ollie: Yeah
Austin: Mommy! Oliver wants orange tea with us!
Ollie: No. Blue. Mommy, where is my blue tea? I want blue.
And on it went until I went downstairs and made him his orange tea arguing that we really truly do not have blue tea and he and Austin sat the table with their tea cups while I cleaned the kitchen and as I was about to sit with them Oliver dumped his tea on the table smiling proudly, "I dump!" and Austin has dissolved into giggles and I'm cleaning the mess and Oliver is onto something else, "Where my screw driver?"

I'm pretty sure I just saw how tea times will go with our little Ollie monster and maybe I should plan on having conversations with him doing something more his style, like skydiving while wearing roller skates and singing karaoke.

Elsewhere...

2010-12-13T20:02:00.000-07:00

I did a guest post for my friend Gina on our pre-school adventures....enjoy :)

http://ginaandkris.blogspot.com/2010/12/guest-post-sometimes-you-have-to-sleep.html

A hippo and a duck

2010-11-05T15:11:00.000-06:00

Thanks Aunt Sam for all the pictures!

Besties

2010-11-01T14:45:00.005-06:00

Soooo....it's November? Who knew?!?

Last night was the big trick or treating event. We have been talking about this night for over a month when my mom asked Austin what he wanted to be for Halloween and he replied automatically, "an orange hippo." He gets his decisiveness from me. He stuck with it and told us he really, really wanted to be an orange hippo. Guess what? They don't have that many orange hippo costumes out there, crazy! So, my mom started sewing. She has worked on this costume for about a month and after each stage was done Austin would clap, want to see it, and say, "Oh boy! I'm going to look just like a REAL hippo!" And he did. For about two houses.

Back up. The costume was also worn enthusiastically at two other events last week. A Halloween party at a friend's house and the Halloween festival at the gymnastics center both had him in head to toe orange and sweating as he ran around in the fleecy costume. But! Last night? No thanks. We made it across the street when he said, "I want to go home and change into my clothes."

"Do you want to take off your hippo and wear a Cars costume?" (He had on his Cars pajamas underneath).

"No"

"Do you want to wear Thomas?" (His costume from last year)

"No"

"Do you want to wear your train engineer outfit?"

"No"

Like I said, he gets his decisiveness from me.

So, we went home and he got into pants and a t-shirt. We decided he was biker boy as he wanted to ride his bike to catch up to our group. Then that was shed as well so he could walk with his bud Ashton. So, he was the three year old adult. The one who would stand on the sidewalk as all the kiddos went up to the door. The one who didn't care if he was getting candy. The one who happily ran with his friends to the next walk where he would stand and wait for them to come back.

We came to a house where nobody was home and the candy bowl was outside, he went up to that one. Slowly, with Mike's assistance, he would walk up to the doors. At one house Thriller was playing out the windows and all the boys (Ashton, Austin, Oliver and Braeden) started dancing and from then on danced for their treats. About 40 minutes into the walk, we all looked up and Austin had gone up to a door without us. He got the candy, then turned around and shouted, "LOOK! I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF!" I was proud, not because he was up there, but because he was happy with himself, really happy with himself.

The duck that was waddling down the street was named Oliver and I didn't really think that Oliver would get into the act of trick or treating yet, so I just let him follow the kids around. He'd make it to porches as the other kids were leaving and then just turn around to follow them again. We would take turns getting him to the door to grab a treat to put in his little basket, but he would drop his basket and waddle after the kids again. At one house the man was waiting for Oliver as the rest of the group had come and gone and I called out to him, "Don't worry, he doesn't need anything, he's just following," but Oliver walked right up to him and took a piece of candy from the bowl.

The two opposite personalities of these boys are so fun to watch. It's fun to see how they care for each other and are becoming the best of friends. Austin would call out to Oliver, "Can you get a piece for me?" as he stood back on the sidewalk waiting. I am positive that in a year from now Oliver will be calling back, "You bet!" and he will. We held Oliver's dedication this past weekend and when it was Austin's turn to talk to Ollie, we coached him in telling Oliver that he loved him, but then he went right up to Oliver, kissed him, and said, "and I'll always be there for you" and he will.

Camping!

2010-08-09T15:30:00.000-06:00

POW!

2010-04-16T09:44:00.001-06:00

Austin "sharing" his dandelions

There has been an explosion in this house, and it comes in the form of two small boys.

Oliver started scootching around on April 8th. This morning he has explored four cabinets in the living room, the drawer under the stove, ravaged some toys in the toy room and headed for the stairs. He has chased Austin down the hall and eyed the dog's water bowl before I closed the door and he started crying. It has been a week kid, let's slow down a little, mmmK?

I love that Oliver has started moving, but it's also a little sad that once they learn how, there is no going back. Our days of having a baby that just sits with you (or squirms with you) is over. From now on, they will both be headed in opposite directions, or in the same direction before they collide over a toy, and I'll be missing a snuggle bug in my lap.

Austin's vocabulary is also growing at a rapid rate. He tells us things are "delicious" or picks up his books and wants to read them to us. He asks "why" and references time sequences. He negotiates. I'm not sure if that has sparked a little overdrive in his brain or not, but something has triggered something that is now making him stammer over his words.

One sentence can take a while to be spit out, if he gets it out at all. This morning when I went to get him out of his crib he went to ask his first question, "Where's Ollie" and it came out more like, "Wawawawawawawawawawawawawawa" before his little face turned into a frown and he started to cry. He told me "the words are stuck. You say it Mommy." Obviously he can say the words, he knows what he wants to say, and if he changes sentences the whole thing can come out, but often times his initial sentence is getting stuck and we just have to be patient. At first this was kind of cute, but then it became worrisome. After doing some research and contacting our speech therapist, we've decided it's not really anything to worry about right now. It's a phase that some kids go through and it can take a while to work it's way out. The best thing we can do is give him our entire attention when he's speaking so he knows he has the time to say what he wants to say.

I find it kind of amusing that this kid of ours who is an extremely picky eater and has had to work so hard to communicate comes from me who cannot seem to stop eating or talking!

As our house explodes with new movement and words, the sun, warmth, and trees are exploding around us, which leaves us with many mornings and afternoons spent outside. It looks like it's going to be a great Spring!

I love this kid.

2010-03-22T20:39:00.003-06:00

Austin: What animal are you?

Me: A cheetah

A: No Mommy. You are a hippo.

M: Why a hippo?

A: You eat grass.

M: Oh, I see, and what animal are you?

A: A Pooh Bear (the kid does love honey!)

M: What does a pooh bear eat?

A: Grass

M: Are you sure?

A: Noooo....pooh bear eats poop.

M: No! That's gross! Are you a pooh bear because you like to eat honey?

A: YEAH! That's it! That's it mommy!

-------------------------------------------------

Grocery shopping at 5pm, AKA, the busiest time known to man.

Austin is in the "car" (yes, I'm now the mom pushing around the stretch limo grocery carts running to everything) and is talking to himself. Suddenly, he yells at the top of his lungs:

"HEY BUNNY! HEY BUNNY! HEY BUNNY!"

I look around trying to find a bunny. I am really hoping that there is a bunny, and not somebody with gigantic ears or anything. The other day we saw a friend's baby and he said, "Hey Baby, your face looks funny." But, I digress. There is a big stuffed one on top of a display of CocaCola.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE SHELF?!?! YOU SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE FARM!!!!"

Then he went back to driving his little car.

Perfect Day

2010-03-14T11:14:00.003-06:00

He rode his bike all the way down to the park. "I did the loop mommy!" he said, proudly.

Two hours in the sandbox. Both babies on our shoulders. Dogs running next to us, curled by our sides in the sun.

Scooters, skateboards, races, lots of belly laughs.

Soccer balls. Basket balls. Footballs. Slides.

That's the stuff spring is made of.

Which is Which?

2010-02-18T21:15:00.000-07:00

Honey, I think we have a baby in our house

2010-02-03T21:36:00.004-07:00

This little Ollie man of ours is growing up, and he's telling us all about it. Through spit bubbles, raspberries, and streams of babble, he is shedding his infancy and throwing himself at this baby business. I had forgotten just how much of a personality a 6.5 month kiddo can have!

It's so much fun to have him interacting with us as he really wants to be involved. No longer is sitting next to the activity just fine, he would like to participate, thank you very much. Whether it's standing at the train table, playing the card games, or making tracks on the couch, Oliver is smiling if he is included. If you leave him in front of a basket full of baby toys, they might be chucked at you, but he will not be playing with them.

The latest thing he wants, I mean, REALLY wants, is to eat. He reaches and twists and grabs for anything that we are eating. Soooo, I have been letting him have little bites of puffs, and full jars of vegetables. A friend of ours gave him a "Mum Mum" the other day that he loved and gobbled in all of 2 minutes. I have to say this is one stage of development that I hate! I hate wondering if they are going to choke. I hate watching them make their gag faces and hear that pukey noise that starts in the chest, and I hate watching how scared they look when it happens. But I love how happy he is when he gets placed in that high chair and how we get to eat together. One step closer to family meals, if we could only get the timing right!

A big step Ollie made tonight was to sit in the big bathtub with his brother. Usually Oliver is in the baby tub that is in the big tub that Austin is in. This results in all the bath toys being piled in the baby tub with Ollie while Austin gets the bubbles and to choose his toys as he wants them without being surrounded. Oliver is getting really sturdy at sitting and catching himself as he leans to the sides, that I let him bathe free of the surrounding plastic. The splashes, smiles, and giggles let me know it was a good choice. Austin wiggled his toes on Oliver to tickle him which had them both laughing that they could touch and Oliver held his own in the splashing competition.

Yup, I believe this house of ours has a true blue baby, and we are all pretty excited about it.

Conversations with certain 2 year old who just graduated speech therapy

2010-02-01T15:22:00.003-07:00

I am deliberately ignoring Austin as I told him I wouldn't play unless he ate his dinner and Oliver is already in bed. He is bouncing along behind me playing with just about anything he can pick up and narrating what he's doing, trying to get me involved. "Austin stand on this, Austin pick this up, Austin make noise..."

Then he is twirling in the front entry way as I'm trying not to watch and crack a smile.

Austin: "Ollie's crying."

Me: Is he really? (I couldn't hear a thing)

Austin: "Yup. Let's go upstairs. [heavy sigh] See what Ollie's talking about."

Oh, the hardships of caring for those babies.

-----------------------

Oliver and I went and spent a weekend in Denver together. Soon after I returned home, Austin needed a diaper change. As I lay him down he says, "Austin tooted. Really stinky...PEEEE UUUU! Mom, come smell it."

----------------------

We are playing with cars and Austin is naming them.

Austin: "Tow truck"

Me: "Actually, that's a scraper."

Austin: "Actually, that is blue."

Now he has "actually" down and uses it in almost every other sentence to correct me.

Me: "Austin, it's time to eat dinner."

Austin: "Actually, time to eat sandwich."

Thanks kid.

Good Answer

2010-01-22T20:12:00.001-07:00

Hey Austin...

Who's your best friend?

Ollie.

Austin!

2010-01-22T20:06:00.000-07:00

Oliver!

2010-01-22T20:01:00.000-07:00

Water for Chocolate

2010-01-19T15:26:00.004-07:00

I used to be a runner. A pet peeve of mine is when people say they are something and the last time they really committed to said activity was five years ago. This stems from my dad, I'm sure, as it's also a pet peeve of his. Don't tell me you are a soccer player if the last time you kicked a ball was 3 years ago and you only played in one game. If you want the status, do the sport. Got it?

So, as I was saying, I USED to be a runner. And, according to me, I was pretty good at it. I was at least as good as I wanted to be. I could go long distances, and more so, I could enjoy going long distances. When I wanted to, I could pick up the pace, but for the most part I would just run. The majority of my runs were around 5 to 7 miles that would take around an hour, and I'd come back feeling happy. Weekends could get me out for two hours, and other days I'd force myself to go for just 20 minutes. I believe this is one of the reasons I am now looking in the mirror and not realizing what is looking back at me.

My last real run was in Oct. of 2006. I was pregnant. Then I miscarried. Then I stopped running.

On a side topic, I remember having a conversation with myself (as I often do) during one of my runs that I was practicing at pregnancy. The thought was so clear that I stopped myself and said, No, this isn't practice, you are pregnant. But it turns out I was in practice mode for Austin's pregnancy.

Since then, I have gone on little runs. The longest being a 7 miler with my dad about 6 months after Austin was born. I wanted to see if I could do it. I could. Now I can't. Now I go out and my body screams at me as I pass the two mile mark. So, instead of exercising I sit at my computer with cookies, or chocolate, or some kind of yummy snack as it's more satisfying to do this than fail at something that used to come so easy to me. Excuses come easy. Time, kids, don't want to push a stroller, it's cold out. I roll my own eyes at myself.

I have been proudly carrying around 17 extra pounds since little (huge) Oliver came out. The only thing I have done to lose it was to bitch about it and say I don't want to weigh this much...look like this. I have declared surgery will be my best friend, but we all know that's not what I want. I want to wake up and have the exercise and ability that I used to. Yesterday I took my first step. I have not committed to exercise yet, but I have committed to eating the right foods. I have (will continue to) replace my chocolate with water, I will make healthy dinners, and I will eat earlier so as not to keep snacking until Chris is home and then scarf down cereal at 9pm because I just wasn't hungry. Maybe after a couple of weeks of fueling my body the right way I will slowly regain some exercise routine. I don't want to start out all gang-buster style as I'm pretty sure I would fall right back into this chair with a fresh baked dozen in front of me.

Wish me luck.

Six Months Ago...

2010-01-17T13:36:00.001-07:00

Ahhhh! Frustrating! So, I have been trying to upload a video of Austin 6 months ago for over 24 hours. I'll have to figure out a different way to post the video. Just imagine you are watching the little tow head grunt and squeak and gesture...

This video was taken six months ago, three days after we had little Oliver. And though I find both of our boys to be the cutest little huggable beings on Earth, this post is to talk about our little Einstein, Austin.

In this video, Austin had had his little tongue surgery about 3 or 4 weeks ago, and was about a month into his speech therapy. At that time, he was ranking below the 8 percentile mark in language development. Last week he was testing in the 99th percentile. That blows me away. I love listening to Austin's voice, whether it be using his own words to create new thoughts, repeating what we are saying, or finishing sentences in books. I love watching him think to put his thoughts together and getting his sentence out, often getting stuck on the first word until his mouth catches up with his mind. I asked our therapist how many kids actually score that high, as the questions Austin were answering didn't seem to be anything HUGE to me, and she said she hadn't tested a kid this high in a long time. He was into the questions that are directed at 5 year olds, and he still wasn't "testing out" by getting 5 questions in a row wrong. She finally just stopped testing him as it had been about 40 minutes and he was losing interest in the "game." True, he has educated parents who like to spend time playing and teaching him, but beyond that, he is just a smart kid.

The learning curve on this little guy's speech has been awe inspiring. I feel like I have had the first glimpse at watching our kiddo come over an obstacle that only he could tackle. There was no way for us to MAKE Austin speak, though often I wanted to reach in to his little head and grab the words out with my hands and let him know that I understood him. I have no idea how many times I explained to others that his grunts and squeaks and hand gestures was his way of communicating with us, and we got pretty good at that too. On our group camping trip, a friend of ours who is an OT with toddlers watched Austin with amusement saying how he can certainly get whole sentences out with his little grunts and gestures. How true that statement was.

I watch old videos, and some things that weren't clear to me back then are now so. In one video he was eating a soggy pancake and when I said "soggy" he giggled and said "gy." I never would have caught that. Now it seems so obvious that your tongue has to be able to go up to make that "s" sound. I watch the direction of his eyes and can now picture what he wanted to say, or show us. Oh hindsight...

I love watching him put two things together now and seeing the connections with words he is making. Figuring out that when Mommy and Daddy are with him, we are "both" with him. That when he's asked what cats and dogs and giraffes and elephants are, he says "different things" instead of animals. I like hearing the stories he makes up of his dreams and figuring out what emotions go with what situations.

I listen to Austin and Chris playing in the other room, "Daddy funny..." He runs to me, "Austin come upstairs Mommy" and hugs us all, "Family. Love Family."

2010

2010-01-03T21:01:00.002-07:00

Being a mom comes easy to me, a wife, not so much. I don't know why this is, but around here it's no secret. It's not that I have interest in seeing other people, in fact, that doesn't sound appealing at all, but matching my life with another adult is a challenge for me. The past couple of years has been focused on creating and sustaining little love bundles that are there to squeeze and kiss and occasionally feed and water as well.

It's a well known fact that I could ask Chris to lasso the moon and he would spend the rest of his days trying. I'm lucky like that. I know that this is not because he is a push over (and I know this because I have seen some of his work emails that go around, and my husband is not a pushover!), but it's because he loves me completely and that is the way he shows it to me. Chris tried to please me in almost every action of every day (ladies, get your head out of the gutter).

It's not so well known that I would do the same for him. I love that boy and if he asked me to lasso the moon, I'd probably roll my eyes, tell him that's crazy, BUT! I'd lean in and give him a kiss.

This year, this first full year of our marriage that I won't be pregnant and focused on what is growing or coming out of me, is a year that I will try to be a better wife. I haven't figured out exactly what that means, but I do know that I will TRY to not turn my head when he leans in for the 700,001 kiss of the day. I will TRY to make sure he receives as many back massages as he gives, and I will TRY to put him before myself even when he won't ask me to.

Chris does not read this blog every day, he comes here on days when he finds himself at work before the sun and is wishing like crazy he was still sleeping in with the boys, the pups, and me. He comes here when we've had an argument and he wants to feel closer to us by reading about something he hasn't seen or heard yet. And he comes here when he wants to "see" us throughout the day.

This post is for him. My New Year's resolution that I stated at midnight standing on a frozen lake kissing my husband is for him. I will be a better wife this year. And just between you and I, that is really in my own personal interest as well.

Jump Baby

2009-12-03T09:49:00.001-07:00

Oliver at 4 months 11 days

Austin at 3 months 16 days

Happy Holidays!

2009-11-28T14:19:00.002-07:00

Green and red paper chains are making their way up onto our walls. Lights will soon be outside and next weekend we'll have a tree standing in our living room. We have an advent calendar, Christmas books, and a gingerbread house waiting to be built. Stockings will be hung on Christmas Eve, Christmas PJ's will be opened and worn, and a certain tool will most likely be a gift from my dad. I've had a cookie baking day with Chris' mom and sister, I have another one planned for Dec. with family and friends, and next weekend we are taking Austin to a cookie baking event. Most certainly we will create a Christmas pizza thanks to Chris' family as well as enjoy cinnamon buns on Christmas morning. Another family or two that we don't know will have gifts under their tree that we will have picked out for the "giving tree" and some charities will have a slightly larger budget thanks to checks we write each year. The movie, "It's A Wonderful Life" will be played on a TV while we gather around have hot chocolate and most likely some ice cream, and these are only SOME of the traditions that we take part in year after year. These are a combination of Chris and my's childhood, as well as some that we have formed for ourselves, and I really like getting into all of them, especially since we have had kiddos of our own to enjoy them with!

One of my favorite traditions though, and one that we are just now going to be able to get into since Austin is starting to understand the beauty of a present, is the main act itself. The anticipation of Christmas morning, the running into the room full of presents, and the excitement at all that lays there wrapped in pretty paper. Jenni and I have always had HUGE Christmas mornings. I'm not sure if the memory is that big because the amount of presents, or because of how long it actually took to open them, but in my mind, we could have hiked up the mountain of gifts and had proud satisfaction as if we just climbed a 14er.

Our mornings looked like this, wake up and run for the living room. Scope out the room and see how creative Santa was at distributing gifts all around the room. There was usually one large gift that was unwrapped, our stockings, and a letter from Santa. We'd read the letter and go wake the dead tired parents who most likely just went to bed as our procrastinating parents like to wrap presents on Christmas Eve. Sometimes it wasn't the wrapping that would keep them up all night, but the writing of the tags as many of them left clues as to who the present was for, from, or what was inside. Dad would have to shave and brush his teeth before he would come out and mom would have come out and most likely poured herself some Ovaltine and put on some coffee for Dad. FINALLY we'd be able to open our stockings. Those we did at the same time. From then on, it was one present at a time. When a game was unwrapped, we'd usually stop to play it, if a CD was opened, it was call for some music. At some point we'd all stop for some cinnamon rolls, some phone calls to family, and later, some lunch. We could hole up for an entire day opening, playing, and eating.

This is what I see for us. An entire day where we do nothing but enjoy one another as well as larger than life Christmas' in our boys' eyes. This year, the shopping started on Black Friday, and truth be told, Chris and I had a great time! It was crowded, sure, but the excitement in parents eyes as well as the thinking about Christmas morning was not unlike being at a great sports game where the entire crowd is really pulling for the home team. There's nothing like being surrounded with all that spirit! An article in today's paper talked about how Black Friday saw a huge turnout in Boulder and as I read this online, I saw the comments going on about what lame consumeristic hogs these people who were shopping must be. All I could think was how happy I was that they were not out, as their grumpy judgmental spirit was everything that Christmas is not about, in my eyes. And then I felt bad for them, as I realized that if the only thing that comes to mind when it comes to Christmas presents is negativity, their memories certainly are not ones that I'd want to carry around. So maybe, just maybe, somebody was thinking of these grinches on Black Friday, and next year I'll rise to simply be a lame consumeristic person in their eyes. But lame or not, I'll certainly be happy as a hog!

He's Taken

2009-11-17T10:28:00.001-07:00

Chris and I have never had a proper mattress. Our two choices have been a great queen size mattress that has been used about one year, or a hand me down king size that is lumpy with holes in it. We chose the king size and left the queen to be our guest room bed as we should be described as "non snuggle sleepers." We have thought about getting a new mattress for years, but the one we wanted was pricey and we always figured there was something better to do with our money. At times we would try to justify the price saying that we spend a lot of hours in that bed, they might as well be comfortable, but the old mattress has just kept hanging around.

I just went on a tript to NY and we stayed in a hotel. As we entered the hotel room I thought about how nice it would be to stay in a comfortable bed and as I went to bed with Oliver I found us in a huge hole. At least I didn't have to worry about him rolling out as though Oliver can role quite well, I think rolling uphill is still a ways off.

When I got home yesterday, I came home to a spotless house. I called Chris at work to thank him for cleaning up the house so well and he told me to go upstairs. I walked in to find our room very nicely decorated. The best part, is under that made bed lies a very new, very comfortable, very dreamy mattress. It's a nice compliment to my very dreamy husband.

Carve it up

2009-10-25T21:11:00.001-06:00

Brothers

2009-10-02T08:25:00.001-06:00

So, this is totally weird and VERY not planned. Last night I got Oliver dressed for bed and thought about the picture we have of Austin in this outfit. I said to myself, "tomorrow I'll get a picture of Oliver in the same spot and compare how they look vs. how old they are." Well, who would have thought that they BOTH would be EXACTLY 11 weeks, 4 days?!?! Crazy right? I know. But, there you have it. Our boys.

Oct. 2nd, 2009

Dec. 6, 2007

Honey Soup

2009-09-21T15:59:00.012-06:00

Austin turned two last week which meant a time for celebration! A day at the farm, standing in rain and feeding goats while passing out cakes in ice cream cones will forever be a day that we thoroughly enjoyed in our minds.

The big present this year was a kitchen. As anybody who knows me can tell you, I have some blogs that I like to read. I am in no way a huge blog reader, but I do have about 12 that I follow. One woman has four children and a couple of Christmas' ago she went about getting them a play kitchen. I don't think Austin was even born at this time, but she had linked to some DIY kitchens that I fell in love with. I have just been waiting for the right time to put this craft into action.

About four years ago Chris and I "invested" in a little computer desk for about $100. This would be my work desk for the next year as I worked out of our friends Caitlin and Adam's house who we were living with at the time. I love to reminisce about that time as it is one of my very favorite times of my life. We lived in this itty bitty mountain town in an itty bitty house (700 sq. ft? 900? Who cares, it was small.) I'm not sure if straight wall could be found in the place as everything had settled at strange angles. There was the four of us adults and two (later three) labs. When the snow starts falling in end of Sept., it doesn't stop until the beginning of June. Many days I would not get out of my sweat pants as I could not get myself to take off the warm clothes I had on in exchange for clean cold clothes.

So, the desk. It was so small that my laptop hung off the front. I placed it in the middle of our friend's living room so I could be close to the wood burning stove and I ran a little company from the middle of this little mountain town of 200 people. When the snow kept coming, I'd shuffle out in somebody's large boots with a broom and bang it on the satellite so I could continue to have phone and Internet service to reach my clients and help them run their software. Our dogs would be laying around the house and it wasn't uncommon to have some neighbor dogs in too as they all kind of just ran around together and would go in to whatever house to get warm. I always laughed when I thought about if my clients could see me.

That desk followed us into our even smaller house across the street from our friends, then to another house, and finally to this one. During my last nesting phase it finally became an entryway desk instead of the computer desk because I was tired of not having a place to rest my arms as I typed. I know, I'm lazy. To get a good "before" shot, I had to go back a ways. Here it is behind me as I put together our awesome stroller that was a gift from the above mentioned amazing friend, Caitlin. There was also a matching filing cabinet that is not shown in this picture.

And here it is now!

I can't tell you how proud I am of this little kitchen.

We turned the whole desk upside down and used the shelf risers as the bottom posts. The cabinet became the refrigerator and the filing drawer front became the door for the oven. I went to a local recycled hardware store and got:

The counter top ($7.50)
The faucet ($5)
The refrigerator handle ($2.50)
The oven handle ($2.50)
The curtain rod ($2.50)
The hinges for the oven door ($2)
The shelf hooks ($2)

At a new hardware store I got:

2 magnetic latches ($2 each)
Dog bowl for sink ($11)
Oven knobs ($2.50)
Oven rack which is a dish drain ($6)

So, including tax the whole thing came out to be around $55 which I felt pretty good about!

The existing things we had around the house was the peg board, spray paint, various screws and nails, green basket, blue material and peg board hooks. My sister provided us with the copper covered aluminum that she had in pre-existing materials when we accidentally broke the glass oven door that matched the refrigerator. At the time, we didn't know it was glass and thought it was a heavy plastic. Now, knowing that it's glass we might replace the refrigerator door with the same aluminum so that our two year old doesn't accidentally brake it. For now though, it's remaining glass.

My favorite features of the kitchen are the working sink handles, the pegboard that allows for rearranging of hooks and such as needed (we have already added one since these pictures as a hook for his apron), and the oven rack that pulls out. I also just love the overall look of the kitchen! As Austin grows we will just be able to replace the current legs with some taller ones to make the height right for him (and brother Oliver!).

The project was really fun to take on with Chris and Jenni helping (and by helping, I mean mostly doing all of the work as I sat and directed) and Grandma and Nana helped stock the kitchen with food, tools, and an apron.

The first day that Austin and I were playing with the kitchen we were making soup. I asked what was in the soup and he replied with glee that it was Honey! He happily ladled out bowl after bowl of honey soup that tasted most delicious coming from his little kitchen!

Austin

2009-09-16T12:41:00.004-06:00

Happy birthday to my beautiful two year old little boy. You amaze me every day. I was lucky two years ago when I got to meet you and every day since then I look at you in wonderment and take comfort in the fact that I get to spend every day for the rest of my life knowing and loving you.

Love, Mama

Can't wait for next season!

2009-09-11T10:01:00.005-06:00

Summer isn't even over and I'm already excited for next year's. If only I could convince a certain number of people to pack it up and move to CA...

It turns out that life with two little boys is quite busy. We are constantly moving and doing and it feels oh-so-good to no longer be pregnant and actually get to enjoy our activities! Austin is to a super fun age where he loves to be out doing things, so no more sitting around in the house. Parks and playdates fill most of our days and his favorite activity by far is running! We'll be reading on the couch and he'll hop up and say "Run?" I nod and he's off! A trip to Costco last night turned into a track race of Austin vs. Chris. I heard Austin won.

One adventure that we took on was camping. We have many friends who we would love to go camping with, though we don't have as many who would love to go with us. Our friends without kiddos would probably look at our camping trip as a little hellacious, but we had an absolute blast. Picture 24 adults (3 who are VERY pregnant), 16 kids (with the oldest being some who just turned 2), 3 dogs, 3 boats, and a lot of stuff! There was one central shelter that everybody used. Now, picture 8 picnic tables filled with stoves, pots, food, and toys. A swing hanging from the ceiling, a hammock taking up one of the sides, a kid tent sprawled out on a table and maybe 15 chairs intersperced between the tables. We had matchbox cars anywhere you could step, the horseshoe pit was a sandbox filled with buckets and shovels (and a horseshoe ring that one boy was unlucky enough to fall on and chip his two front teeth). There were scooters and skateboards and little zoo animals. There was fun.

Austin arrived and happily played in the paddle boat with about a gazillion little friends. When dinner time rolled around he started looking around. Why was everybody staying? Why were we not back in the car heading home to warm beds and cribs?

"Mama. Come." He said.

He pulled me down to the boat and pointed. Then pointed to the top of the pop-up (where the boat rode). Then he pointed to the pop-up and went and smacked the hitch of the car. Then he looked at me very seriously and said, "Vroom Vroom."

It was clear that this little boy wanted to go home and wanted to go now! So, we scarfed a hodge podge of dinner down, climbed into jammies and snuggled up in the bed for a good hour of book reading. The morning brought happy smiles and a huge suprise that his friends were still there. B!!!! He yelled happily as he realized his very close friend (so close that I consider them cousins) was still around. It was smooth sailing from there (besides falling out of the pop-up onto his head. I swear he looked like a clown standing on his head for a second before his whole body teetered and he landed face in the dirt).

Favorite memories from the trip was getting up and going paddle boating. The water was glass smooth and we sat and sang Austin's favorite songs. Sitting at the campfire while one dad played the guitar. Dressing Oliver up in a hat and gloves, he looked too cute. Waking up with the warm little body of Oliver and looking over to see Austin and Chris snuggled in the sleeping bag and the smell of the pop-up, sleeping bags, and cuddling until we were all warm for the day.

Yup, I hope to do a lot more camping next season. Not the kind that you read about in great outdoor magazines, but the kind that is filled with good spots on the side of the road, maybe a lake, some pre-made food and matchbox cars in the dirt.

kaaaa....BOOM

2009-08-04T15:04:00.003-06:00

Our summer hit July and exploded all over the place! Between having babies, celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, having people visit, moving an entire store, and squeezing in some family time, our lives have been full to say the least. I think the thing that stand out to me the most is just how amazing our kids are.

I know people brag about their kids all the time, and that is partly the reason I have this blog in the first place, but I really do find these two faces that we wake up to every day to be quite amazing. Austin has turned out to be the person I like to hang out with the most. Don't get me wrong, if I have an adult day or some alone time to read (or write) I am not complaining, but that kid cracks me up. He has learned how to tease, how to make funny jokes, and because he doesn't have the words yet, it's his little face that usually provides the punch line that makes me start laughing. The way he adjusted to life with Oliver and so whole heartedly accepted him as another member of our family has made me fall even more in love with him. Sometimes I catch sight of him in a still moment when he has gone to sit next to his brother and hold his hand and watch him that it's like watching a living Hallmark card. Then the next moment as he's being moved to time out for whacking the baby's head, I'm reminded that those pictures on the cards are just one moment out of thousands...

Little Oliver might just be the snuggliest thing I've ever held. He still curls into a ball that makes me think he's part possum. He loves to be held, hates to be put down, and that is fine with me. Go ahead and scream little man, that just lets others understand why my arms are always full and gives a reason to why the house hasn't been cleaned in oh, 3 weeks or so!

Can you believe she's 50?!

2009-07-30T15:21:00.000-06:00

I know! Me neither! Happy Birthday Mom, I hope you had as much fun as we did!

Baby Magic

2009-07-23T06:49:00.002-06:00

Bringing little Oliver home has added so much to this household of ours. For one, it adds the night time hours back into our wakeful memory, but more than that, we now know our entire family. We have no plans of having any more kiddos and it's fun to think about the four of us growing and getting to do things together.

Austin has found his calling in his almost-two-year-old life. He was born to be a big brother. The magic of a baby doesn't escape this toddler and he often seeks comfort from Oliver instead of Mommy or Daddy. I wrote about the foot stubbing, which isn't the only time the baby has had to kiss away the pain for Austin, but he also comforts when Austin is just upset. The other night we were having our daily dinner argument, "Austin, you can't just eat pretzels for dinner." "No, Austin, you can't have another vitamin for dinner." "Austin, how about just ONE bite? Please? Just ONE bite and then you can have another piece of pretzel..." We usually start talking about dinner about a half hour before we actually eat so as to prepape him for this horrendous nightly activity. Usually this works and we can get a small serving of something healthy in him before we bring out the ol' peanut butter tub and pretzels (some protein is better than none, right??). Well, this night the conversation was not even going well. Austin was crying with tears streaming down his face as if we just told him that there was no Santa and then stomped on his foot. I was nursing Oliver and he came and put his head in Oliver's lap. I mistakenly thought that he was trying to get to me and bent over to kiss his head, and he pushed me away. Then I started to rub his back (something he might be addicted to as much as me) and he pushed me away. Turns out he just wanted to snuggle the baby and it was just an inconvenience that the baby was hooked to mama at the moment.

I'll write again some day...

2009-07-22T20:49:00.000-06:00

But I really think y'all come here for the pictures anyways!

Sometimes we are lucky enough to see this smile. Thanks Oliver!

When Austin was born, he had no lashes. Oh what 22 months can do...

Compare Away...

2009-07-20T16:28:00.001-06:00

Austin: 5 days

Austin: 7 days

Oliver: 5 days

Oliver: 7 days

Eyes Wide Open

2009-07-20T16:19:00.000-06:00

Oliver's eyes are really really dark. Like coal. I'm wondering if they will stay that way or add a little green or brown? They will most definitley not be blue!

Who says you don't take photos of the second?

2009-07-19T10:42:00.000-06:00

Today in pictures

2009-07-17T20:07:00.002-06:00

Oliver Kerri

2009-07-17T20:01:00.000-06:00

Homecoming

2009-07-16T11:44:00.000-06:00

Our Big and Little Peanuts! I made the shirts orange in the hopes that if the baby is covered in orange, Austin would like him. I shouldn't have feared. Austin LOVES his little brother Oliver. And by loves, I mean when Austin stubbed his toe yesterday Mommy and Daddy couldn't kiss it, Oliver had to kiss it. Yes, we have had the transitional melt down, or 342, but overall Oliver is one lucky kid to have Austin as his brother.

Head of the Elf Army

2009-07-07T15:09:00.000-06:00

I don't know why I love this photo so much, but it cracks me up each time I look at it. Austin has been finding the baby's clothes in the hamper and has been wanting to put them on. This little hat could actually be squeezed on and he wore it for an entire morning. One of our boy's names we like means "Elf Army" and I can't help but think that Austin looks like quite the leader for such a group.

The End of a Pregnancy

2009-07-05T14:30:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was the due date. We are still pregnant. I say "we" because Chris has been going above and beyond lately with his parental and household duties at the same time as working extra hard to ensure that he can take a full week off of work when this little one decides to show up. It's nice to have that support when I am feeling so worn out. For example, today Chris has:

Taken Austin and the dogs to the park.
Done the clothes laundry (wash/fold/put away)
Done the bedding laundry
Done the diaper laundry (wash/fold/put away)
Vacuumed the entire downstairs
Cleaned up after the breakfast (I did make that)
Taken out trash/recyclables
Gone to the coffee shop with Austin and I
Taken Austin "rip sticking"
Gone to the toy store with Austin and I
Is now grocery shopping

Things I have accomplished are:

Made breakfast
Took a nap
Gone for coffee
Gone to the toy store

Somehow this is even in our heads (or Chris claims it is) because I'm so tired and uncomfortable. He is a good guy and deserves to be recognized for such. I think it's hard at the end of the pregnancy for everybody. We are all so excited to meet this little baby that likes to be seen and felt through the many boxing routines it completes every day, but it seems to be quite comfy where it is and wants to stay put. We pace around the house getting everything ready "just in case." All of this continuously needs to be made ready (clean sheets, bathrooms, dishes...) and it gives us someplace to direct our nervous energy and thoughts until the moment arrives when we can finally focus on the delivery.

Having Austin seems to add a new dimension to these last days as well as we always want to have a great memory of our "last family of 3" outing. I don't know how many more we will have as I grow more and more homeward bound, but at the same time know that cooping Austin up in the house with me isn't ideal either. I do think we have provided a great couple of memories, even if it is just something we can tell him about. Lately we have been having swim days with the three of us where Austin gets to run and run with all of our attention on him and his fave toy of the minute, we have enjoyed family ice cream outings, snuggle times on blankets under fireworks, park play dates, and a final play at Kangaroo Kingdom before they closed (a padded room for toddlers with TONS of climbing toys).

I know the next thing I will be thinking of are all of the outings we should do as our "first family of 4." But until I can think of that, I will continue to worry about the health of the baby, the labor and delivery, the introduction of the baby, and the new responsibilities to come with two little ones. Luckily, while I lie around and think and ponder, I have a husband who can hold down the fort and make me smile.

Hurry up little one, we want to meet you!

My husband the mechanic

2009-07-03T15:12:00.003-06:00

We are driving down the street and I am telling Chris how I am sure my car is going to break down again. Most likely on our way to the hospital or bringing the baby home. He is asking why and I am telling him how my car pees on my foot and that can't be a good sign, and sometimes when I turn left it sounds like a bunch of paper is sliding across the dash board. In fact, the day before my ECM went out and I was stuck on the side of the road, the car had peed on my foot. I am saying all of this very scientifically because I am 100% positive that that means the ECM will stop working again.

Chris: Why?

I go on to explain like I am talking to a child that with the research I have done this means that the A/C either has a faulty hose and is leaking on the ECM or that the IAVC is faulty and causing coolant to leak onto the ECM. Because I don't know really what any of this means, I can only repeat random information I have obtained from my best friend Google.

Chris is silent and trying to make sense of all my reasons. I tell him to make a couple of "good hard turns" and he'll see what I'm talking about. Sure enough, the car pees on his foot, and then on mine again for good measure. Then the A/C starts squealing when we turn left.

Me: Did your mechanical engineering degree make it so you could be a mechanic?

Chris: Sort of, if I had wanted to, why?

Me: Well...you just don't seem to know very much. I mean, I'm the one who has figured out the ECM, the A/C, and the IAVC. You don't even know what IAVC stands for.

Chris: Shakes his head and laughs.

We get home and Chris starts to take the dash apart to see where this water could be coming from. I help by sitting in the front seat and watching and listening to how the A/C works. Then I help by coming inside to do more research on the computer (and look for new cars). He comes in 5 minutes later and is dripping, laughing, telling me to come look at his mechanical skills.

Turns out he found the drain for the condensate which had become obstructed by a metal shield. He uncovered it and now we have a pool of condensation on our garage floor. I'm not kidding, we could get in our suits and go swimming. He is guessing that the condensation has been building up for some time and when it dumps into the car instead of out the drain like it should, it was spilling on the ECM and caused an electric short.

I guess he is a good mechanic, as long as he has my diagnostic knowledge to help out.

Feeling Powerful

2009-07-02T16:17:00.002-06:00

Turns out when you are 2 days away from having a baby EVERYBODY will answer your call. Even if this means ducking out of meetings, mid-terms, conference calls...

I must admit I'm enjoying this more than I should. But hey, if I'm waiting on pins and needles, it's nice to know that others are too.

Almost Ready

2009-07-01T14:05:00.002-06:00

We had a Dr. appt. today which had to be rescheduled due to the Dr. having complications. I don't know what that means, but that's fine with me. I didn't know if I was going to let them "check" me or not to see if I am dilating as I think that can be a tease, though it could also be nice to know when I do go into labor so we can measure progress. It had to be rescheduled to July 6th (Chris and I's 3 year anniversary!) and I really REALLY hope that that appointment is unnecessary as we will already be holding our new little peanut.

What triggers labor? I think that is a million dollar answer. Whether it be my hormones or those of the baby, they are holding off for now. My theory is that it is my hormones, which refuse to be released until we have this car and dog show sorted out at home. Luckily, that is happening tonight!

The car will be ready, and luckily, the problem was the ECM (the main computer chip of the car) which is the same problem that we had last year. This means that it is covered under warranty and therefore our rental car is covered as well! Yay! I'll be picking up the Xterra tonight in the hopes that it will not be breaking down anymore and we can confidently rely on it to get us to the hospital when needed.

Jackson's mouth seems to be healing. It still isn't pretty, but I do think the swelling is going down a bit and the ugliness is caused by the infection crusting over and healing itself. I'll just keep telling myself that.

So, little baby, this evening the coast will be clear. I'll let my hormones know, and you do the same, and we'll see if we can meet each other.

Summer!

2009-06-29T14:32:00.000-06:00

Fun times over at our good friend Gina and Bronwynn's house! These are two of Austin's closest friends. It is so fun to see how excited they are when they get to see each other. This morning Gina and Bronwynn stopped by and Austin and B just kept dancing and running around each other in their excitement. With no official cousins yet, they have adopted each other for the part!

Dear Universe, please take care of these things.

2009-06-29T13:27:00.003-06:00

We are slowly ticking off the big things that needed to be taken care of before this baby could come. We have added a few, but those are slowly being taken care of as well. First, we had a wedding 4 hours away, and we got through that one. Sam had a trip, but she's back. Mom had a trip, but she's back. Chris was in a second wedding, but we made it through that. Then there are the two ongoing issues that I hope get resolved before this baby makes an appearance, so if they could be resolved today, that would be nice!

Right before Austin was born, Jackson occupied our time with vet visit after vet visit for what turned out to be a strange cyst in his paw. His poor paw was wrapped for weeks on end as he had multiple "exploratory surgeries" and weeks of healing and his final visit was for two days after Austin was born. By that time we had become so close with the staff at the vet that it was kind of exciting to bring Austin in to meet everybody as they had all been sure that my water would break during one of Jackson's visits.

Well, he's doing it again. Maybe he can sense when a new baby is going to come and therefore his body reacts by creating some mysterious condition. This time, it's his lip that is hanging out of his mouth. Vet visit #1 was today and they think it's just an insect bite gone bad. Here's to hoping...They say it can take a couple of weeks to heal, so at least we won't be running from the hospital to the vet this time around as I'm really REALLY hoping that this baby comes before a couple of weeks pass. He'll be on two different medications, which is nice, because now he can feel just as special as Dakota who gets her two medications with every meal. These pups of ours, who knew they would be such an investment?

On top of the vet, we are dealing with my car. Again. Last summer when Austin was 10 months old or so we had multiple exciting adventures of breaking down on the road. AAA became another expense of ours, but one that was needed as my car needed to be towed back and forth to Boulder Nissan. Luckily, that was when Jenni was living with us and was jobless so she had all the time in the world to rescue Austin and I from various places around town. Last Friday I was driving and called Chris to say, "You're not going to believe this, but my 'check engine' light is on. As I finished the sentence, my car shut down. No power steering, no power breaks, nothing. It was over 80 degrees out and I only had one battery bar left on my cell phone. And I'm 9 months pregnant. I would not have been surprised if my water bursted right then and there. Chris left work to come fetch us, but luckily after the car cooled off I was able to limp it back home.

We are now the proud renters of a luxurious Chrysler Aspen that seems to me something I could live in quite comfortably. It is huge. I have loved my Xterra from the time I was 18 and it had a whopping 80 miles on it, but it is time to get a new (used) car that I won't fear will leave us stranded. Trying to finance such a decision is an obstacle though. The mechanic is having problems diagnosing the problem, so for now my head is stuck in the sand ignoring the daily rental price of our chariot and I'm happy to know that I will be able to get to the hospital in style.

My wish for the universe is to let Jackson's mouth issue be a simple insect bite, for my car's problem to be a simple oil issue (which they said is a possibility), and for a new (used) SUV to drop in our laps at an affordable price. Thanks.

Flighty

2009-06-25T13:42:00.003-06:00

My mind is all over the place these days and I keep thinking of things to blog about, but by the time I sit down to do it, I'm either falling asleep at the computer or I can't remember what I was going to say.

This baby has decided to come at a very busy time in our lives, but I think it will be a nice reminder to slow down and enjoy the individual days. I think the major thing I learned after having Austin was that we don't have to get everything done RIGHT NOW. In the week that Chris had off after Austin was born, I'm not sure that we just stayed home for any of them. We were taking Austin around to many different places, having to do heel pricks for his jaundice, taking the dogs to the park and the vet...we were just going! Having that experience, and introducing a new baby to a toddler has Chris and I putting on the brakes and wanting things to move more slowly. As anxious as everybody is to meet this new little peanut, I'm thinking mostly of Austin and the introduction between him and his new sibling. I'm not sure if anybody will be more affected than him, and I'd like to give him and the new baby all of my attention, and by the looks of it lately, that isn't much!

Besides this little baby coming, between last weekend and August 4th we have:

2 weddings

1 father's day (but three dad's to celebrate with)

Jenn's bday (but she will be out of town this year)

Jenni's bday (26!)

Childish Thing's big store move

Mom's bday (50!)

Chris' bday (30!)

Chris' bday party

Grandma coming (first time in 9 years!)

Parents anniversary (30!)

Not to mention my other friend's who are having kids and I'm TRYING to make meals for them all, which need I say it again, is not my area of expertise!

Luckily all of these things are fun and many people are participating in them and most of them are half planned already.

Austin and I have been trying to spend as many days as we can in the water. Yesterday was our first trip to the Boulder Rez and we loved it! Austin ran right in and was a little water bug. He loves to go in until the water is touching his chin and then peck his face into the water. This makes for really fun mornings and nice long afternoon naps.

I don't really have a way to wrap this whole thing up, as the title says, I'm flighty right now. My mind just circles and comes in and out as the day passes until around 7:30 when I am headed to bed to just "rest a while." Sometimes I make it back up, other times not. So, here are some cute pictures of the little man and his last days as an only child.

Waiting

2009-06-17T16:17:00.003-06:00

The second biggest surprise when you are pregnant and don't know what you are having is the gender. The first, by far, is anticipating going into labor. The waiting game has started and every painful contraction I have or burst of cleaning energy I get I think, this could be it! True, the due date is still 2.5 weeks away. I just feel like this baby is going to come early!

One might wonder why I will be taking off for Steamboat this Sat. for a nice day of 8 hours of driving. Well, Chris is definitely going to the mountains, and more importantly than having the right doctors there for the delivery is having Chris there for the delivery. The timing of this wedding is not ideal, and it's something that has been on our minds since we got pregnant as the wedding has been scheduled longer than that. I think it's safe to go though. I'd cancel if these weren't good friends of ours who we haven't seen in years. They are having such an intimate wedding at their house that they have put hours upon hours of work that I can't even imagine doing into, and in all likelihood, this baby will stay in for at least another two weeks.

If not, what a memorable birth story to have. We go away for a day and come home with a brand new baby!

Well that, and ice cream!

2009-06-16T16:41:00.006-06:00

Austin is a funny little boy as he has two main personalities that both completely win me over. One, the home personality where he is a little rambunctious kid who will climb and fall over anything, and two, the timid boy who likes to observe his surroundings from the lap of his mama.

The other day he learned how to climb up on the windowsill behind our house and do tumbles over the back of the couch to land either on the cushions or floor, he didn't seem to care which. Last night on a family walk he was picking at bird poop on the fire hydrants and then saw a nice fresh dog dropping on the sidewalk that he went and squashed with his foot. As I watched him sleep, I noticed his one shin had a good size bruise on it and the other knee was scraped and I couldn't help but not be surprised. This kid, he runs circles around me at home!

As soon as we go to a social scene though, or have other people around, he gets his serious face on. I think it's pretty cute how serious and timid he can look. Seeing new people can lead us into having a half hour snuggle fest while the rest of the kiddos get to run and play. We went swimming today with two other moms and there was a huge crowd of kids at the swimming pool. The 5 year old we were with had some friends and quickly became friends with even more as they all ran around together and I was so proud of Austin as he followed her around the entire pool, onto the grass, out of my site, and came back with a big smile on his face. Moments like that when you can see how proud he is of himself are not uncommon around here, but I wish I could freeze every one of them as they are the highlight of my days!

Week 36

2009-06-07T19:28:00.000-06:00

And a sneak peak at the nursery!

Holding Pattern

2009-06-04T11:28:00.004-06:00

The last couple weeks of my pregnancy with Austin was spent sleeping in, working at an air conditioned desk job for 4-6 hours per day, and then sitting on the couch. Chris would come home, we'd eat something light, and go for a slow walk with the dogs. I remember then feeling pretty uncomfortable. For example, here is a blurb from my journal when I was 38 weeks along last time: "I look in the mirror and see a fat cow. I walk around and feel like a fat cow. And if you look it and feel it…well, it is just a matter of time before I am in the pasture chewing on my cud. "

Now, I'm pretty much always uncomfortable, and unless I want to have an energy bloated toddler on my hands, I have to figure out a way to get Austin to move around a lot with minimal effort on my part. This is not easy. They say in the books that your baby doesn't actually drop into position on your second pregnancies. This baby begs to differ. I'm pretty sure it has moved down and has wedged itself into a position that makes walking pretty difficult. It has also found my bladder and has decided that they are best friends. I feel little pokes pretty constantly that makes me say, "I have to pee, no, I don't have to pee, I have to pee...." I am hungry, yet, I cannot eat a full meal. I am tired, but many times I lay in bed begging my body to sleep. Contradictions are everywhere.

Poor Austin has been feeling grumpy this past week as well. I believe his last molar is about to pop through and this has resulted in on again, off again fevers, a swollen gum that is twice the size it should be, and sleepiness that hits at the wrong times of day so that his naps and bedtimes are all over the place. The two of us are quite the pair.

I think we both take comfort in laying around, reading books, catching naps, watching TV and waiting for the pain or uncomfortableness to pass.It's a fun little pattern our family has gotten into and though it doesn't sound all that pleasant, we are really trying to enjoy it. I know (and I think Austin feels it too) that there won't be many more days for us to just cling to one another. That might be the biggest difference between now and the previous pregnancy. Even though this time is a bit more challenging, I get to go through it holding the cutest little toddler, and with this being his last molar, he gets to go through that clinging to his mama.

King Austin

2009-06-03T14:01:00.005-06:00

This is where Austin's potty was the first time he ever pooped in it. It will most likely stay there for the remainder of the summer. I think it looks kind of nice, we have our furniture and Austin now has his "throne," after all, he is the king of this house!

We have a lot of naked time in this house. I don't know if it's because Austin is the son of Chris and I, or if it's just because he's a toddler, but he likes to run around naked and that is just fine with us. Many times if we are in the backyard, Austin is naked from the waist down. This is how we found ourselves playing the other day when I noticed Austin was about to "go." I told him to wait a minute while I ran and got the potty fully thinking I'd have a mess to clean up when I got back outside, but instead, Austin just sat on the potty, pooped, and stood up. He looked in the potty and then back at me, like, "Well! Whuddaya know?"

It would be nice if this was going to carry over to a potty training couple of weeks, but I don't think we (him, nor I, are there yet). So, I'm just happy that he has at least seen, felt, and is starting to understand what this strange seat with a hole is for!

He'll still be pretty when he's all gray

2009-05-19T13:40:00.004-06:00

One of the perks of gaining 342lbs in 9 months is that people go out of their way to help you. This weekend when I was "helping" Jen out with her house a man stopped during his walk and asked if I needed anything carried around (it looked like I was the one doing all the work as I was the only one out at the moment with a huge chopped bush and rocks being moved all over, not to mention I was huffing and puffing from all of the weed spraying I was doing). So last night at the grocery store when I was all but ignored by 3 different teenage pimply faced boys who were working there, it caught me off guard. Austin will be raised to help a pregnant lady out, or an elderly lady, or really, anybody who looks like they could use a helping hand. And if he doesn't, I will not blink an eye when he tells me that a pregnant lady waddled him down and kicked his shins.

One guy in my life has become completely devoted. His name is Jackson, he's covered in black hair, and stands about 3 feet tall, but he lives and breathes to be sitting at my feet, or on my lap, or draped around my shoulders. This dog of ours has gone completely crazy for me, or my belly, I can't really tell. While his usual role is to play that of a goof ball dog, he has become an anxious pace walker that has worn tracks in the carpet while circling me. The only thing that seems to calm him down lately is taking him to the dog park and literally running the anxiety out of him until he collapses and is way too hot to be next to my boiling body (I swear my body temperature is now at a steady 104 degrees).

While this is sort of endearing in a way, in other ways it is not so convenient. Jackson and Dakota have always been super easy to leave at home as they run for the basement door when they hear the treat jar open. Now I have to walk down the stairs and turn the corner so Jackson can no longer see me before he will follow me down the flights of stairs and I can return upstairs to close the door. This doesn't sound like a big deal, but the basement is one of Austin's favorite places to be, so this procedure results in Austin crying and crying to be let downstairs while Jackson is trying to be get back upstairs and Dakota is dancing around trying to grab all the treats while I simply try to walk the stairs. Maybe this is the reason we have been staying home more often.

It will be interesting to see if he is attached to this baby any more so than he was to Austin. Maybe Austin was born for Dakota and this little peanut will be for Jackson. In the meantime, the next time you run into me, don't be alarmed that I have grown a fur coat, it's only Jackson loving me.

Big Helper

2009-05-18T14:56:00.000-06:00

Productivity Through Osmosis

2009-05-18T08:06:00.002-06:00

Perfect weekend. We certainly got a lot done, and by that, I mean I provided conversation while Chris and my family got a lot done.

Saturday got off to a fun start when we got Austin up at 5:45am to go see a hot air balloon launch only to find out it was canceled due to the semi rainy/windy weather. That was OK though as the town pancake breakfast was being held at the local airport, so we headed over there and walked around little planes and helicopters for over a half hour before Chris and I looked at each other and said, we are freezing, let's go to a diner! All of Erie seemed to have had the same idea, so we drove down towards Denver and went to a place near and dear to my heart, Cracker Barrel. I love that place. Nothing good for you, but oh so good to eat! It was Chris and Austin's first time, and of course Austin thought that every toy in the country store was made especially for him. He managed to get us to buy a little dump truck for him that proceeded to crash into every piece of our breakfast.

Later that day found me jumping up and down on a shovel trying to plant trees at a park in Denver. As Jenni said, I looked a little ridiculous. I am at the point where the belly hangs so low I'm sure it seemed as if one good jump would shake the baby out. I have to say that my digging skills held up for one solid tree, but the next couple found me sitting and plucking at grass while others sweated and wrestled these trees into standing position. Austin loved all the tools, as well as chasing the geese and stomping around giving orders.

Back at home Chris didn't stop. He moved a ton of rocks by himself in the effort to clean out Austin's future sandbox site. Next weekend we are purchasing 3 tons of sand to dump in our backyard. I always said I wanted to live on a beach...Once again, I was there to provide conversation and helpful direction of where I thought the rocks should be placed. Then I watched as Chris put together Austin's little bridge and cleaned up the mess that was in the backyard. I felt like "we" sure were getting a lot done!

Sunday there was fun at the dog park, helping Jenni with her backyard (where I sat and and sometimes sprayed a weed while Austin helped my dad out a lot by moving rocks), garage cleaning by Chris, car detailing by Chris, and mowing by Chris. I did work up enough energy to help out with the edging, but then I had to go in and have some water and rest for a bit.

The entire weekend was summed up with a good dinner at Gary's and then I had to collapse into bed. At the end of the weekend, a lot was accomplished, and at least I was there to participate in all of it, even if my arms, legs, and belly would only allow me to sit and soak up the sun. The backyard here, and at Jenni's place look infinitely better and I am left with an optimistic hope that someday Austin will have more to do in our backyard than stab our strawberry plants with screwdrivers.

And just like that...

2009-05-11T19:52:00.002-06:00

...he says Daddy.

Tonight Austin was eating dinner as we were getting our plates ready to join him. He's watching Chris, and eating, and being quiet, and then "Dada" comes out. Of course we go wild for him. We eat, sing songs, try squash, and throw food around a bit. During clean up, Austin is chewing on an apple, watching Chris some more and "Dad-dy" comes out.

He's a cutie and a keeper.

Mommay

2009-05-11T12:42:00.002-06:00

Austin has figured out one word that is pretty consistent, and that is "Mommay." He sounds like a little British guy when he says it, and I can't hear it enough. His communication has grown in leaps and bounds in the past couple of weeks, and it's something I attribute to a little guidance we have received from a speech pathologist.

He still doesn't have words, but he has a way of communicating that is growing from just whines and screams (which yes, is typical at this age, but still, he should have some other tricks up his sleeve!). He has mastered the Yes and No with the shaking of the head. This is HUGE! I remember a couple of months ago I was babysitting for a friend whose daughter had finally figured out the difference between yes' and no's and it was so much easier trying to figure out what she wanted. We "practice" these two words daily, almost hourly. He is able to show me when he wants to eat, mostly because he knows how to get into the pantry and grab the food down, but still, I'd rather that the whining. It's actually fun to see what he chooses to bring out to me, sometimes it's lasagna noodles, other times it's a bottle of olive oil, and sometimes it's the dog bones that he loves to chew on until I find him with the milk bone hanging out of his mouth!

I think the most beneficial things we have adopted into our routine so far is the kicking of the pacifier habit and the way we answer when he points. I wrote about the pacifier a while ago, and while it doesn't bother me to let him have it, the number of sounds he makes now that he doesn't has increased a significant amount. Not only the number of sounds, but the way he says them, and the constant babbling I have waited so long to hear from his little mouth. As for him pointing, I now wait for him to point, then look at me, and then I repeat the word. This is different than me just saying what he's looking at while he's still looking at the object. I can see him studying my mouth, and I think it's fun for him to stare at it while making the right sound for the object he's looking at. I also stares while I sing, and sometimes I can see him really studying what my mouth is doing, so I know he's thinking about these words.

This Thursday we are starting speech therapy here in the home. I am really REALLY excited to see what she has to say! I'm excited to see if there are new things I can do to help encourage our little guy to express himself. I just feel so bad for him sometimes as I try to imagine a world where people don't understand me, and I can't help but think that I would show my frustration in a series of whines and pouts as well.

One thing that is on our mind though is his little tongue tie issue. If you know Austin, you know his tongue. He has it resting between his lips most of the time and it is a classic picture of him to have his tongue peeping out at us. It turns out that the crease going down the middle of his tongue shows us that he is tongue tied and he possibly does not have full use of his tongue, which could make it difficult to talk. Talk about a lot of possibilities though! He MIGHT have a severe enough case that MIGHT effect his speech. I guess this is one of those things that we will have to study more and more on and talk to more and more professionals to figure out the best course of action for his little tongue. The thought of clipping the underside to give him more freedom makes my tongue hurt, but the thought of letting him be able to use his mouth gives me a little thrill. And I'm sure, just as I have loved hearing "Mommay! Mommay!" Chris is waiting very patiently to hear this little man of ours call out for his "Dadday!".

Appointments

2009-04-29T16:22:00.002-06:00

I live my life in waiting rooms and doctor's offices it seems. I really wonder how women who work, have kids, and dogs actually get any work done. Now that I am consistently going in for my own doctor appoitnments every two weeks, any extra just seem to be that many too many.

In two weeks I should have my first week without a health appointment of some kind in over 6 weeks. This is ridiculous. Thank god for health insurance, though if we could put the dogs on the plan it would save us more than I like to admit.

Dakota was just laying on her back kicking her legs in the air when I noticed this large pimple looking thing. By large, I mean you could store my car keys in this pile of puss. Well....maybe not that large, but large enough where it sticks out past her fur and it makes my skin crawl to see it. Back to the vet tomorrow to see what the damages are.

Whereas I used to get worried with these things, I now roll my eyes and grip my wallet as if that can stop the cash flow from flowing.

Helpful

2009-04-22T07:26:00.003-06:00

Austin is in love with this Tiger video that is now on the brink of driving Chris and I insane. It's made by the Discovery Channel and is actually an interesting story, the first 5 times. Nothing captivates his attention as much as these two tigers, Julie and Ron.

When I go to clip Austin's fingernails he usually twists himself around so much that it is no longer possible to see them. Perhaps this is the reason he walks around with nails that look like they were put on in a salon. Tigers is on, so I thought I'd take my best shot at clipping his claws. He saw me walk up with the clippers and held out his hands, like he is always so giving. He patiently waited for me to do all 10 fingers, all the while watching the tigers devour their latest kill. When I got to his toes he giggled and climbed onto the back of the couch. I asked if I could do just one, he came down and sat and let me clip once, that was it. I said "Thank you" and he nodded his head, like, "sure, no problem, but don't push it lady."

Being Green

2009-04-21T09:37:00.002-06:00

During tomorrow's Earth Day I will be piling into an SUV, driving long distances, and then trampling around the woods in Allenspark. To be fair, we are squashing 3 kids in carseats and booster seats into one SUV instead of driving up in two.

I have a friend that is convinced we are living in the last stages of the world. That we are experiencing the last days that the human population will be around and we are all going to burn to a crisp within the next 50 years. She is a cheery one! No, she is not crazy, and if you talk to her you might have a sense of panic rise within until you are separated for a day or two and have to fill your gas tank and can't possibly remember what she was rambling on about all the energy that it takes to keep cars moving...All I know, is when she starts to move into her planned cabin in the woods, I'll be buying us some gardening gloves and moving on in with her!

I have wanted to compost now for a year or more. Some of you might remember my attempt at vermicomposting which is where I really just filled a tupperware full of old food, paper, and worms and then never touched it again. It still sits in our backyard and I am now too grossed out to even open the thing. This weekend there is a legitimate compost bin being sold in order to celebrate Earth Day at half the cost. I will be renewing my efforts at this smelly business and purchasing one for $45 (instead of $90) at 7am on a Sat. I am determined to greenify our lives. Even if it means I drive my SUV all over town to purchase our new green products.

Just call me Joe

2009-04-16T20:00:00.004-06:00

So I don't think it's been officially announced here on "the blog" that I am pregnant! Welll....I am, and am now almost a full 29 weeks into this pregnancy! It has been another easy pregnancy which is awesome as I think I will always have fond memories of being pregnant now. This is most likely our last and I'm not sad about that. At all. I don't hate being pregnant, actually, I'm really enjoying it, it's just that I'm ready to not be. I'm ready to know that my body will be mine again, that I won't be sustaining another person. I'm ready to know that my efforts at the gym will once again have a lasting effect. Most of all, I'm ready to know our "complete" family. I think it's exciting that in a few short months we will get to meet this little kicker and form as a family that will grow together for the rest of our lives. It feels cozy, if that makes sense.

Besides the many many mom friends that I have met through the pregnancy and first year of having Austin, I am one of the first of my friends to have a baby. This excites me as I am SO excited to get to experience pregnancy and infancy through the eyes and stories of my friends and sisters! Here are a couple of things that I think are funny about pregnancy that I don't remember reading in books, but have learned through experience...

1. Your weight will come when it wants, not when the books say it will. I don't know if it can be changed through eating habits (I'm sure SOME of it is...) but it is very possible that your belly will stretch to be bigger than you have ever imagined.

2. Your boobs can start leaking at oh, 15 weeks into your pregnancy! This is strange, and I don't know if it ever becomes normal.

3. It is possible to no longer care if your upper legs get shaved. I can't see it, I don't care.

4. Skin tags appear. What? Two in my armpits, one in each pregnancy.

5. Glowing skin might actually mean dark patches of skin. Reminds me of a line in one of Austin's books..."I have spots don't you see? I'm a cheetah! Look at me!"

6. When the baby starts to move, it can move A LOT! This is very fun. Makes you feel like you are sharing secrets with somebody when you are in a room full of people.

7. It will become a nuisance to stand at a counter as your belly will actually be poking it and it's not comfortable.

8. As uncomfortable as sleeping/sitting/bending over is, you will love your belly.

9. I don't know if I have ever felt better working out. This sounds strange, but when you can't move your body as much as you used to, it feels that much better and is that much more fun to actually use it. Of course, working out is at a much slower and milder pace, one that allows me to read plenty of books while sweating away!

10. It is funny to find what causes you to be out of breath. Tonight I could barely sing the lullabies to Austin as I had just climbed all 16 of those stairs!

And of course, once you already have one and you are pregnant again, the belly is nice resting place to help carry that toddler around! It will be funny to carry that kiddo around again when I don't have a helping hump. I guess, I'm kind of like a camel on two feet!

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T20:17:00.000-06:00

Though April showers were in effect, we still got to have a fun Easter Egg Hunt outside. Austin wasn't so sure why he was finding colorful eggs around the front yard, but that didn't stop him from collecting them all and carrying them around in his little basket! We continued the tradition of brunch at our friend Jenn's house where she never disappoints for a yummy feast on Easter Sunday. The point of Easter for all of us is to enjoy the Easter Bunny and all he brings along with him (colorful eggs, good coffee, sometimes a mimosa or two...). This year he brought marshmallows in the eggs, and whereas Austin usually does not hesitate to share anything with "Mike" he didn't give up even one marshmallow!

I'm posting a picture of Austin's basket to show that
1. Austin received NO candy from us at all!
2. Those sock puppets, the ones that Chris and I left to make until the night before Easter, took almost 2 HOURS to make! It was Chris' first time hand sewing, and it brought back bleary eyed memories of me finishing crafts on Christmas Eve. They turned out really cute though, and I think once the distraction of all Easter colors fade away Austin will be able to settle down and have a lot of fun playing with them!

Other items in the basket were board books, sticker books, bath toys, plastic eggs, an electric toothbrush, and a Mr. Potato Head. The kid made out on Easter as Jenn had books and blocks for him and mom had made him some really cute stuffed felt eggs to go in his little felt basket. I'm thinking that we will need a forklift to leave next year with two litle munchkins to spoil!

Birthday Treats

2009-04-10T14:02:00.002-06:00

Last night Austin was heavily into his "tigers," meaning he was staring at his tiger movie that we have now watched approx. 143 times. Mom, dad, Chris and I were finishing one of the BEST home cooked meals I've ever had (thanks Chris!) and we were debating if we should eat cake before or after the little munchkin went off to bed. Kids learn quick I tell you, because Austin definitely knows the word "cake" and he has only had it maybe 2 or 3 times in his life. He had hopped off that couch, ran over to the table, scrambled into my dad's lap and looked around like, "Hey! I'm ready for my slice!"

Yesterday was a wonderful 27th bday. Austin let me sleep until 8 and then we had a lazy morning. A warm spring day had us wandering around Pearl St. where Chris, a friend, and her daughter all met Austin and I for lunch. I was able to purchase a new dress for an evening out that is coming up all without any tears from the little man. To top it off, as I mentioned before, Chris made a really yummy meal here at the house. Only bummer was that Jenni was stuck in class, but I guess it's a gift enough that it's class in Denver and not Boston!

Our Big Boy!

2009-04-07T20:05:00.000-06:00

I can't get used to this haircut! I love it, but I keep looking at this sweet boy saying, "Who is that??" He even acted "bigger" today. I went in to get him this morning and he whipped out his pacifier to talk to me and threw down his blanket. Usually his blanket and him are buddies until breakfast. Good thing he still likes to cuddle a ton or I would be thinking he's moving out soon!

Trying Harder

2009-04-06T13:39:00.003-06:00

It has taken me almost 27 years, but I have found that I like having a clean house. Not the type of clean where there is no clutter, but the type that if somebody goes looking for dust, it's hard(er) to find some, and that the house smells fresh when you walk in.

These past two weeks were convincing. One thing that convinced me was when Chris said, "Honey, I'd have more family time if I wasn't the one doing all the chores." The other convincing point was that Austin has had a runny nose for 3.5 out of the past 4.5 weeks. I am DONE with the germs. I want to keep him in a hazmat suit or dunk us all in disinfectant so this doesn't happen again. This time it wasn't just Austin, but all three of us walking around with red eyes and the sniffles. I don't know if this could have been prevented if I had a relationship with Pledge and a duster before this week or not, but I do think that by spraying down the house will keep the spread of germs a little more under control.

To prove how out of touch I am with the cleaning duties around here, this is a fun little story. On Monday when I was sick and my mom took over Austin and the house for me, she cleaned. She used Pledge while she dusted. Today, I found it again and realized it is a full can. I honestly can't say if this can has been sitting under our sink since we moved in or if she just brought it with her in her giddiness to dust our house.

Hopefully my enthusiasm for my new cleaning schedule will last and is not just a manifestation of the nesting instincts that have set in. I have visions for all of our rooms that include painting, furniture, and decorations. I lay in bed and plan our backyard and dream of using it as an extra living area this summer. I browse shopping websites, craigslist, and design blogs like I'm a pro. And at the same time I'm planning this house, I take it a step further and house hunt for beach homes and farm houses. I'm just waiting for Jenni to be done with school so I can occupy all that time with her helping me on all my plans!

I realize this blog has been (very) neglected. I'm going to try to rectify that. I love having daily, or should I say weekly, accounts of what is going on. I love sharing pictures of this growing boy we have and I shouldn't let it all fall away.

Speaking of a growing boy, I took him for a big boy haircut today. He looks very cute. I haven't had a chance to take his picture though because as soon as we got home his head was flopping around with sleepiness and he was reaching for his crib. Pictures will come soon though! For now, I'll leave you with these...

Nov. 4th

2008-11-03T06:07:00.002-07:00

When I was 18 and the year was 2000, I had no idea who I was going to vote for. I didn't pay attention to issues, I didn't understand the differences between a democrat and a republican, but I was definitely excited to vote. I remember I was dating a guy who didn't feel like driving the hour to our voting district and how infuriated I got that he was just going to give up his vote. That he didn't care. I certainly cared, but I had no idea what I was caring about. In the end, I am 90% sure I voted for Bush and I am 100% sure that the boy voted because of my relentless "persuasion."

In the year 2004 I had jumped on the bandwagon that Bush is pure evil, that everything republican was selfish and self righteous. I didn't get to really know Kerry, I just knew he was the best shot at ousting Bush, so I was excited once again.

I'd like to think that I have settled somewhere near the middle and can look at both sides somewhat objectively. My values usually still sit more left than right, but at times I think things can be taken too far. Sometimes I think a little more regulation on the giving of funds needs to be in place and this year on issues I am 70%D, 30%R. My vote will whole heartedly go for Obama though.

I know many great republicans, many in my neighborhood. The neighbors across the street have about 12 signs in their yard. The only one I really can't agree with is "Women for Palin." Really? I have to think that by this point even they would like to yank that one out of their yard and hide it out of embarrassment, but that would leave a hole where a republican sign once stood, and I don't think the yard would be the same.

The issue this year that has me in butterflies, up thinking at night, and passionate enough that the 18 year old fury comes rising up is one that I can't even have a say in. Proposition 8 is in CA, and the effect of that outcome will be huge in thousands of lives. Babies that go to sleep tonight with happily married parents can rest their heads tomorrow night with parents who still love one another, but are not allowed to be married. Their parents will be told that they are not good enough, their love is not valid enough, and in fact, it is so bad that it needs to be written into the constitution that it cannot even be recognized.

I just finished a book, The Color of Love, and it is a book by a person who was born to a mother who fell in love with somebody she was not legally allowed to be with. The story takes place in the 60's. The boy was ripped out of his mom's home because she was not providing a proper home for him. Her crime? Loving a black man. Reading this, it highlighted to me that we really haven't come that far since then, we are just casting stones at a different population.

If prop. 8 doesn't pass, how will that effect me? It won't. I will still wake up happily married to my husband. Our marriage will still be in tact, and the day won't really change. And in CA, the same will go for all married couples. Mary and Jane, or Bill and John will continue on with their lives and maybe they will have a boost, a slight pep in their step, that the majority of CA stood up and said, "Congratulations on your wedding day!" If prop. 8 does pass, Chris and I will still not be effected, but thousands of families will. They will no longer have a husband or wife because the public said, you don't get to.

The fight against gays being able to marry lies in religion. God made men and women able to procreate, not people of the same sex. Marriage is a commitment of two people to God. To that, I have a couple of questions. If God is our maker, he has made many people sterile. Should they not be allowed to marry anybody? And, if marriage is a commitment of two people to God, and Chris and I did not do that, are we not married? How far can we take this? Maybe people who are sterile, or who are not Christian should not be allowed to marry. If marriage lies within religion, there are many more people who are not gay who should not be allowed the title. But! Next people will be wanting to marry ANIMALS! Oh bullshit. We are talking about people here. Two people. Two people who are not any better or worse than everybody else, but who are certainly treated as second class.

I get that if marriage is banned, domestic partners can still hold the same rights. I understand that. But I also understand that even though they have the same rights, they don't have the same recognition. Gays and lesbians would still be looked at as different, like they aren't good enough to ride up here with the rest of us in the land of happy marriage.

I don't have signs out in my yard. But you can bet that if I was in CA, I'd have more than the 12 that I look at across the street. And tomorrow night, as I sit stuck to the TV watching district after district show up on the giant "magic wall" at CNN like the most avid football fan on Superbowl Sunday, I will be rooting for Obama, but one eye will constantly be on CA hoping that NO on 8 really destroys the opposition.

Creatures of Comfort

2008-10-24T10:58:00.006-06:00

Give me a rainy day as long as you give me comfortable clothing, a warm coffee shop with a yummy drink to go with it. It would be nice if you provided my book as well as a massage. Austin might not have gotten my looks, but he definitely came out with my attitude. We are both great morning people, as long as we don't have to do anything and just get to enjoy them. Him, with his blanket and train, me with my coffee and news. We are really good at watching Chris cook us breakfast and clean the kitchen.

I don't know how my sometimes described "slow" husband is so quick in the morning. It's not as if he does things with lightning speed, but he is very efficient and when that buzzer goes off in the morning, he practically spring boards out of bed and is on with his routine of getting. things. done. Now, truth be told, he does take longer than me to get ready in the morning, but that might be because he actually cares how he looks and smells to the world. My attitude is that if my teeth get brushed at least every 24 hours, I'm good to go. Very seldom does a brush touch my head unless I'm freshly showered, and that only happens every 48 hours. I recently showed up at my sister in laws birthday dinner and a friend told me how happy she was to see me out of PJ's. Ahhh...but I've gotten off topic.

Austin has adopted this lifestyle of mine. Comfort is best. If that means stopping what you are doing to grab a coffee (milk) then so be it. If it means that you feel best with only your socks on, then tear off the other clothes. And if it means that you like to snuggle, grab the blanket and go. Austin has two comfort items now that we have taken the boobs away. His white blanket from Grandma and his pacifier. The first one there are no issues about. If he wants to carry it with him until he is 15 and heading out the door for a date, I might suggest snipping a little off to tuck in his pocket.

The second one, the pacifier, I have always thought we could use for one year. I don't know where that mindset came from. Did I read it somewhere? Did I hear it from another parent? Who knows. We are now at that 1 year mark, and though he likes his pacifier, he doesn't NEED it. He can go to bed without it. If he has it when he wakes up I'll ask, "Austin, can you put your pacifier in your crib?" and he'll rip it out with a big smile and throw it down. But, when he is sad, or uncomfortable, or scared, who am I to tell him he can't have it because he is now ONE!

I guess my attitude is that he will not always want the pacifier. I want to look into if it will start to cause dental damage and if it will, I'll be the mean mommy and wean him off it, if not, I'm certainly willing to be more relaxed. Austin and I are creatures of comfort, and even if it comes with the price of having fly away hair, hearing your sister's disbelief that you are still wearing that, or having a spit ring around your mouth as bubbles pop out the side of the piece of plastic you love so much, we can look at each other and say, "It's Ok. I get it."

Once a year is plenty

2008-10-22T08:46:00.002-06:00

Traveling to our family is no stranger. In Austin's first year he has been to New York 3 times, Florida 2 times, Boston 1 time, and Lake Powell. That is a trip every other month. This past weekend though, we opted to leave him home as Chris and I boarded the flight to Seattle.

It wasn't that we didn't want to bring him, it was just so impractical. We would be there two nights and one night would be a very late, very adult wedding. So, our options were to bring him and leave him with somebody who he has never met (something our shy guy isn't very comfortable with) during the wedding, or to leave him with some people who love him to pieces but repeatedly give him ice cream. For all three meals. We opted for latter.

This trip did not sneak up on us and I was ready. People would ask how I was feeling about it and I said I was ready. I was. I wasn't ready as in I SO NEED A BREAK, but I was ready as in I knew it was only two nights, he no longer needs me like he used to, and he would have a wonderful time without us. As we boarded the plane, I was fine. We sat down, and I was fine. The plane started to back away, and I found myself in a puddle of tears and sniffles. Where was this coming from?? The poor man next to me barely spoke English, so I am sure he thought something dreadful was going on, but really I was just a confused girl sitting next to him who couldn't turn the waterworks off.

Seattle turned out to be great and Chris and I did a lot of things that Austin might not have been able to do. Kayaking in a two person kayak for starters. Staying out until 1 and 2 in the morning for others. That city is great and one I hope to go back to.

Sunday rolled around and I was READY to get back home. Somehow I made myself enjoy sleeping in. I made myself choke down the nice breakfast out, and I made myself relax as we perused the shops at the airport. The whole car ride home I was practically giddy. We pulled into the neighborhood and my dad had walked Austin to the entrance of it so we pulled over and I was out of the car before it stopped moving. Austin didn't even look at me. He was busy reaching for Chris who was still parking the car. He went back and forth between my dad and Chris as happy as he could be. I, on the other hand had sprouted a waterfall out of each eye. We got home and I composed myself. Finally, it was as if Austin said, "Ok mom, you have learned your lesson" and came and gave me a big hug.

Since then, we have had many hugs as he has learned that word. He gives them to me, oh, maybe 62 times per day. We haven't really stopped playing, and I don't intend to either. As I have booked our next two trips, one to Oregon and one to Mexico, I smile as I think about the plane ride I will be inevitably stressed about as Austin will be with me.

So difficult it should be funny

2008-09-19T15:36:00.002-06:00

I have a friend who is amazing. She has come on tough times, and therefore needs some help at this time in her life. Namely, finding a place to live. For free. Yes, that is huge, but in the same breath, it isn't. She doesn't need a place indefinitely, she needs it for two months. I think over my short life and there have been plenty of times when Chris or I, or both of us needed a place for free for a while. There was the time that Caitlin let us live in her 900 sq. foot house that already had two adults and a dog and we came in with two more dogs and two more adults and stayed for a full 3.5 months. Not to mention I was working out of their house, so I was ALWAYS THERE! There was the other time I lived with Caitlin for two more months (so...now a total of 5.5 months of rent free living) and I was pregnant and she accompanied me to many doctor visits and she cooked for me. No, I was not the easiest roommate. Chris stayed with my parents during that time....rent free again.

Growing up we had one family, one family member, and a high school friend of mine that stayed with us rent free from anywhere from 4 days to a couple years. I don't know if my parents ever thought that it was hard, and if they did, they never let on.

So far, for this one friend and her two month old daughter I have contacted:
YWCA
2 churches
1 shelter
United Way
TANF
211
Many personal friends
My Facebook account
Section 8 housing
Temporary housing
Transitional housing
Craigslist ads
2 blogs that focus on helping people
and I'm sure there are some random non profits that I am forgetting at this point

AND NOBODY HAS ONE FREAKING ROOM.

It makes me think of all the empty rooms I know. Many people have guest rooms, and I am left wondering what they are used for if not to just be a decorated room in a house. Kind of like a trophy so people can walk around saying, "I have a three bedroom" or "I have a 5 bedroom." But what use is a bedroom if it's not used?

I realize that people do what they can, and hearing about some girl that needs help is a little different than lending out a room in your home to your best friend, but there has to be one empty room for this poor new mom. In all of San Diego or Los Angeles, I just can't believe that every room is taken. Each time I check my email I am hoping beyond hope that there is a reply, that somebody will say, "Hey, I have this room that she could stay in." It is quite silly how one person's empty guest room means a life for another.

I think it is easy to hear about some story and not have it really impact you. This one, for me though, is taking its toll on my heart. My friend isn't some girl that I am reading about on a blog. It is a person sitting on the other end of the phone crying because she is exhausted, scared, lonely, and homeless. And this person is somebody who I care about. Somebody who's daughter I was kissing not hours before.

This whole experience first started making sick with guilt over all that I have in this world, and then I had to stop because I was giving myself headaches and that wasn't helping anybody. So now, I just hope that after this mess is sorted out and my friend has a safe room for her and her baby that she is comfortable in that I can walk away remembering how lucky I am. And maybe, when I walk by our guest room when it is unoccupied I can remember what a gift it is and be reminded to pass that on.

Buddies

2008-09-17T09:23:00.002-06:00

Yesterday little Austin turned one. As I write that, I still can't believe it. I used to babysit kids and sometimes the days would just drag on. I would wait for the parents to get home incredulous to how they keep their minds from going numb on a daily basis. I loved kids. I did. I babysat from the time I was 12 and had five families that I became the main sitter for. I grew close to the kiddos and watched them grow from little squirmy babies to running active kids. But it all seemed to take sooooo long.

Not so with Austin. Sometimes I feel like I won't notice all the changing he is doing because it all happens so damn fast. One day he is flapping his hands like a wild animal and the next he is calmly putting shapes through his shape sorters. Maybe that is why I used to think things went so slow, I think it's hard to care about shape sorters unless it's your kid that has discovered the circle and the circle hole.

Through the past year Austin has developed likes. I would say he has also developed dislikes, but he seems to like most things, just to different degrees and at different times. Sometimes he likes his car rides, other times he would rather be doing something else. Like screaming. One thing has stayed pretty consistent from day one though. And that is my dad. He loves his Mike. He will choose my dad over Chris and I 98% of the time and the 1% of the time it's me it is because he wants to nurse.

Though a year ago my dad wasn't so sure about sharing his birthday, I think he has come to terms with the whole thing. In fact, I think he kind of likes it.

Happy belated birthday to my great dad, Austin's best friend, and to our very loved son!

Dakota moves out

2008-09-11T09:42:00.003-06:00

There have been two times in my life when firetrucks and police cars have come to my house in the middle of the night. There has been one time in my life when we actually needed a fire truck. None of these times are the same.

#1
Dad was out of town, so it was Jen, Mom and I at home and Jen and I were either in late middle school or high school. Mom was in my room before I went to bed and we felt that the floor was really hot. Of course this meant that our floors and walls were about to burst into flames, so we called the fire department. Turns out the kitchen light below my bedroom can get really warm. Warm enough to feel on the floor above it.

#2
Dad was working in the crawl space soddering some pipes together. This crawl space had a lot of cobwebs. The torch caught a web on fire and it went shooting across the crawl space. Mom, Jen and I were just getting home and heard him yelling that he needed water because he was trapped in the small space and I don't think he could get to the exit. If he could, he couldn't get there very fast, so he was yelling. The three of us thought he was yelling to turn off the water thinking he had started a flood so instead of bringing buckets of nice water to him, we turned off the main water supply to the house while he sat in a burning dark space filled with two by fours under our house. Through a lot of yelling we figured out what was going on and was able to extinguish the fire before it extinguished us. No fire department was called.

#3
Chris is out of town. Jen, Austin and I are home and asleep. Our carbon monoxide detector starts screaming at us. All three of us, plus four big dogs are staring at this thing and trying to make it shut off. We do. Then it goes off. Then we change batteries. Then it goes off. We look at each other not wanting to do what we know we have to if we want to sleep soundly. I make the call. One police car, one fire engine, one water truck and six people later we determine that our detector was making faulty readings.

After the excitement of the evening, Celtic and Siris went to bed with Jenni, I put Austin down to sleep and head for my room. Jackson and Dakota were still standing in the hallway and as if they were having a conversation they turn on cue and Jackson came in with me and Dakota went to sleep with Austin.

Crowded

2008-08-14T11:47:00.003-06:00

A while ago I started a blog for Chris and I that just contains our calendar on it. This way he could just check the calendar to see what was going on so he didn't have to call and ask if he could make plans for such and such a date. It seems to help, but lately it has just gotten crazy. http://chris-jessica.blogspot.com/

Towards the end of July I took a deep breath and got ready for the coming months. I knew it would be busy, and now we are in the middle of it and I don't think I realized just how busy it all could get.

You can only plan for so much, and then when you think you have maximized your time your car will break down. Three times. In two weeks. Your husband will have to move out of town. You will have to come up with dog care. Your dog will get sick and need vet visits while you nor your husband is around. You will forget that weddings require presents that you have not purchased. You will have to pay attention to your bank account and remember to remind your husband that he needs to be reimbursed for the thousands (yes, thousands) of dollars his work owes due to him putting things like car rentals and hotels on your credit cards. Your flight will be canceled in the middle of the night. Your baby will be very, very tired. And those are just the extras.

The energy that was needed for the things I had planned was going to be a lot. But the extras have required me to draw on energy that I just don't know if I have. The trips are fun, the people are good to catch up with, the cousins are fun, and the things we are doing are great. However, to be tired, and happy, and organized, and deal with the extras is just a lot. I'm drained and I don't seem to be giving anything 100%.

My calendar is crowded. My mind is crowded. My energy is lost somewhere in the middle of it all.

Happy Birthday Madre!

2008-07-25T19:56:00.003-06:00

49 years ago one of the best women in the world was born. And that is not an exaggeration. I have the privilege of calling her my mom.

A classic story of my mom is when Jenni and I were in elementary school. Shopping for our back to school supplies we had just learned what a mechanical pencil was. We jumped up and down knowing exactly the colors we wanted and the size of lead that we would need. We look over and my mom is in tears, in the middle of Target, crying for all the kids who would not have mechanical pencils that year. To this day, we all know we can get my mom to do just about anything if we say, "But it will help _______."

This is the type of person we grew up with leading our little family pack. I think that maybe I am just now coming to an understanding of how great she is. She worked, took care of Jenni and I, planned most family events, and managed to get a dinner on the table for the entire four us. In the past year I have maybe achieved that last task 5 times. The rest of them are still a work in progress.

A recent conversation between my sister and my dad took place when he picked her up from the airport after she was in a wedding. Jenni was asking about their wedding and how he had thought my mom looked in her dress. He said she looked, beautiful, but she always looks beautiful, so that wasn't a surprise.

My mom is beautiful, inside and out. She will care for the world until she 153 years old. I hope by then I'll have figured out a way to cook her a meal or two and let her relax.

Happy Birthday Mom! I love you!

Deux

2008-07-07T09:38:00.004-06:00

For our second anniversary Chris and I rode "The Divorce Machine." Or, that is, a tandem bicycle. We had a fantastic time on it. I wish I had the picture, but it was Chris, then me, and then our trailer with a smiling Austin inside. All together, it was probably 20 feet of bicycling fun.

The night before we were a little more traditional going to see a movie, out for sushi, and then a ride into the foothills.

I think it's obvious that Chris and I love being married to each other, but here are some of my top reasons for being so happy to wake up to him...

1. He is very attentive. I have adopted this whole staying at home lifestyle with a slow ease. One day I attempted to get on the Fly Lady's schedule in regarding to cleaning and the first step is to "shine your sink." I filled the sink with bleach water for an hour, scrubbed it, and then sprayed it down with windex. I looked at it and said, "this doesn't do anything" and went to watch Bill Cosby. Chris got home that evening and said, "WOW! That is one shiny sink!" It's nice to have somebody notice the little things.

2. He is helpful. Yesterday we had dog puke in the hallway. He got out the steam cleaner and set it all up. I thought it looked like fun to operate and started cleaning with a gusto. Chris stayed close as he knew I would grow tired of it and was there to help finish the job.

3. He is my friend. We don't have secrets and we hold hands often.

4. He is inclusive. He sends me work emails as forwards even when I don't know who or what the forwards mean and I have to call asking why this is funny. It makes me feel like I am involved in his day. I think he does it just so I'll call...yet again.

5. He loves me. I know this because he tells me a bajillion times a day.

It's fun to think down the road when we have been married for 52 years and all the fun things we will have accomplished together. To know we have created a family, gone to fun and amazing places, and helped do good in the world. It's fun to think about all of the holidays and anniversaries to celebrate and know we will be together through them all. But, the most fun thing is to know that I get to see him tonight, and tomorrow and to know that we are having fun here and now with each other even when we are riding the divorce machine.

He's flown the coup

2008-07-02T07:35:00.003-06:00

After a night out at my crazy hip hop class last night I came home to a frazzled Jenni. It seems as though Austin did not want to do his bedtime routine and instead decided to scream. She finally got him to go down, but his bottle went untouched. Around 10pm I went in and took him out of the crib as I knew he would be awake and pretty hungry soon. He nursed and took half a bottle as well. I was rocking him and thought about how he has had a rough couple of days. I almost didn't go to my class because he has been so grumpy lately, but who wouldn't be when you have sharp teeth poking at your gums all day long?

We rocked for a long time, mostly for my benefit, but I think he was enjoying it as well by the way he curled into me. There are times when this feeling of complete love for him washes over me. I know I always love him, but there are these moments when it is just so powerful. Last night was one of those moments. I watched him smack his lips together as he closed his eyes. He pulled his little shoulders up in a ball and had his face looking up at me and he just looked like the most perfect little creature I have ever seen.

Chris was out of town, so I knew that if Austin came to bed with me I could cuddle him all night and also have the room to spread out. It is absolutely crazy how much room a 9 month old can take up in a king size bed! I brought him in and lied (lied or layed? that is one that always gets me...) down next to him and his crying began. I brought him back to his crib and he curled over, grabbed his blanket, and went to sleep.

It was funny to realize that this goal we have been working towards has been achieved. He slept through the night and smiled as I walked in to get him in the morning. I am 100% certain that there will be times in the future when he wants to sleep with us again. I wasn't sad last night to not have him with me as I was feeling kind of selfish in the first place to chance messing with his new found schedule. I was actually pretty proud of the little guy. He knew what he wanted, and he could communicate that. He is growing up, and it is so much fun to get to know him.

My sister is going to love it here

2008-06-28T09:06:00.003-06:00

It is 9am on Saturday and so far Chris and I have:

Taken the family on a walk
Gone grocery shopping
Had breakfast/coffee/chai
Fed Austin breakfast
Cleaned out the guest room for Jenni
Picked up the downstairs
Brushed teeth and got dressed
Done laundry

I guess that is the benefit of getting up at 5:30, so thanks Austin!

Last night we went to a porch party in our neighborhood. It was a lot of fun. Kids running around the house and cul de sac, older neighbors in the rocking chairs on the porch, and parents with babies sprawled on our quilt in the front.

Another set of parents and I inevitably got in a conversation about how Austin sleeps. In Boulder where a lot of my friends are, the fact that Austin is just now starting to sleep is pretty common. In our neighborhood, it seems like strict cry it out methods are taken and babies sleep through the night starting at 3 months. Given that this conversation was in our neighborhood, the response from this couple was expected (faces surprised, telling me I have to let him cry it out, that there is no reason for this type of behavior....). Last night however, I heard a new one.

The dad said, "When a baby weighs 9 lbs, they should be able to sleep through the night because they have enough fat."
Me: Smile politely
Him: He does weigh 9 lbs right?
His wife: Look at him, I'm sure he's 9...looking at me expectedly
Me: Welllll, ,he's actually 22 now.
Them: Look at me curiously
His wife: Well, that's a big baby!

Maybe he'll be sleeping through the night soon enough. Maybe he won't. Either way, I hope he keeps up his morning routine. The mornings just seem like this secret time of day when things get accomplished. I hope Jenni likes being let in on the secret!

Who likes camping anyways?

2008-06-27T08:21:00.004-06:00

The expedition was supposed to start last Friday when Chris would get home early and we would head for the hills. I had secured a camp site right outside of Morrison, we would order some sandwiches to go, poke around the town, and enjoy our pop-up set up. It was supposed to be great.

Now, I could write about how Chris didn't get home till 6pm. Or how I broke the pop up when I was trying to check it. Or how Chris had to spend half of Saturday fixing the pop up before we could ever go. Or how the campsite turned out to be almost two hours from Morrison. Or how when we got to the campground, our spot had been given away (they thankfully still had ONE site in the entire place). Or how we got set up just in time to let Austin explore a couple minutes, eat some sandwiches, and go to bed. But, instead, I could just post these pictures:

....and you'll know that we actually had a great time.

Friday night, our unexpected night at home, was Austin's first time sleeping through the night. Do you understand that? FIRST TIME. That means my head rested on my pillow from 10PM until 6AM for the first time since LAST APRIL. Tears come to my eyes just thinking about it. I really don't think it can be understood just how tired a person can be until you are woken every single night for an extended amount of time. Thankfully babies are so cute and can smile at you so you don't feel so angry, but DAMN. That felt good. By 11am with a still broken pop up sitting in our driveway, I was convinced it would be better to go on a picnic and come home to encourage this new night time routine. We headed out anyways. Camping did not help him. Instead, we were up on an hourly basis starting at 11:30PM, but really, in the end (and after some coffee) it was all worth it. Watching Austin wake up in a sleeping bag was pretty hysterical and his wonderment with the dirt and weeds didn't get old.

We got to go for a morning hike, baby on back and coffee in hands. It was amazingly pretty where we were. Chris and Austin went for a long bike ride and I got to enjoy a run where I didn't see one single other person, or listen to a car the entire time. The sun was hot, and Austin's blankets called me to lie on them and soak up the rays. On the way home we stopped at Tiny Town and let Austin crawl around the itty bitty buildings and went for a little train ride.

I am still convinced that camping is designed for those that are all in all well rested. It makes staying up by a camp fire much more fun knowing that if you miss some Zzzz's on this trip, you'll soon catch up. But, the question I had been grumbling along, "Who likes this shit anyways?" was answered by me, "I do."

Welcome

2008-06-20T08:42:00.002-06:00

We have a couple new family members. Our sucker fish who have been mentioned before: Penguin and Kid. Then the new goldfish that Grandma bought, Shimmy, Shake, Rooster, and Hen. And the newest: Mary. Our vacuum.

She is named after Merry Maids because this vacuum makes me very merry indeed. She is a Dyson Animal meaning she is made specifically for vacuuming up the dog hair. I had begun to wonder if we actually have carpet, or if we just have a nice layer of dog hair around here. Our late vacuum was good. It was a housewarming gift from my parents when we moved into our first home (second home?) I don't remember. But, a Dyson it is not. I have to empty the canister 3 or 4 times per vacuum, it gets up the surface hair, but not the stuff stuck in the carpet, and emptying the canister always produces a little pile that has to be vacuumed up again. Now it will live upstairs maybe tempting me to vacuum up there too.

The other day Sam and I spent a full hour waiting on somebody who was going to sell me their brand new, latest model number Dyson for $350. I wasn't psyched about spending that money on a vacuum, but I have been borrowing Gina's vacuum for a while and she gets home soon and I was getting desperate to have my own! It was either get my own, or go back to walking on a furry carpet and wondering why Austin constantly looks like his tongue is growing a beard. After waiting for an hour she comes to the meeting place and she had the wrong model number, so I told her no thank you. Yesterday, a used Dyson that is an older model number, but the one that I have been testing, went up for $150! It was SOLD!

And just in case you don't think I'm excited enough, I came home last night after a night out and felt pretty good. I was driving home, had the music turned up and was thinking about what a fun night it had been. And it hit me just how much having a baby, and a family to take care of can change you. I had gone to book club and bought a vacuum cleaner and felt like it had been a crazy fun evening! These lucky little creatures have found quite a good home if I do say so myself.

Writer's Block

2008-06-19T09:15:00.002-06:00

Kind of. I think one of the problems with blogs is that you start writing, you feel really free in what you are saying, and then you realize people are actually reading what you are typing. This is a good thing, but also can hinder what you put out there. I think the good bloggers, the ones that just keep posting and can put their true viewpoints out there for the world to see are pretty amazing people. Because me? I picture the criticism, the hurt feelings, the judgments coming from people I know and care about. People think, "Oh, is that post in response to...." and can take it personal which is legitimate as this is a one way communication tool.

I'm pretty sure I'll get past this. I'm pretty sure my usual confidence will start to come forth and shine through my personal doubt as long as I keep with it. In the mean time, the surface posts will continue, but they don't really inspire much to write about. Most people that read this blog (I think) know me in person, and then they also know what is already going on in our daily lives. And the stuff they don't know is not all that exciting. Like today. Austin and I went to the dog park. The end.

Ahhh...that isn't all that true. We are taking Austin on his first camping trip this weekend and are pretty excited about it. It is kind of a half camping trip/half day trip. Saturday is Chris' company picnic, so we will be going to that event. Then we will most likely get some dinner to bring back with us to the pop up where we will have real beds. Sunday we will take a day trip over to Tiny Town where Austin will get to go on a cute little train ride and play in the park. He is getting to the age where he can kind of understand he is doing something exciting. Sometimes this is met with a blank stare as he takes it all in, and sometimes he giggles and waves his arms. Then off to my parents house to pick up our dogs and drop off the pop up. See? It can't be a real camping trip if the dogs aren't even coming! But really, we would have no place to leave them during the picnic and Tiny Town besides a hot car, and I'm sure they would rather be running around my parents 5 acres of mountain land.

To make this post satisfying, I will post some pictures of the kid that makes this blog all worth while.

Living on the wild side

2008-06-12T23:06:00.003-06:00

I feel like a pretty big rebel right now being up at 11:07PM. Chris is not home, and will not be until tomorrow evening, so that means if Austin is up at 4:45 tomorrow morning like he has been the past THREE mornings, I'll be on my own. Don't worry, he won't actually sleep from now until then, we'll have at least 2 or 3 nursing parties between the times. Austin was doing well with sleep, but decided that was enough. He's cute enough though, so I don't mind too much.

My sister is about to come live with us, I just don't know if she will be able to handle the excitement. She was off to a concert with her friends tonight, and then to one of the band member's homes as her friend knows them. If she had been here, she would have gotten to experience Austin's bathtime! Actually, tonight was a lot of fun as I had some of my friends over for dessert and wine. We had a great time, and though most of our conversation surrounded people who are not quite 25 lbs, we wouldn't have had it any other way.

My last post was apparently pretty fitting as I haven't had time to come on here since then. Not even for some pictures! It's been crazy I tell you. The crawling, the giggling, the pulling to a standing position....I now realize why parents go crazy for their own kid. I feel like I'm watching Einstein develop and all the kid has done is mumble some consonents and put one hand in front of the other.

Last week we headed to Vail for a couple days as Chris would be out of town. It was great to be surrounded by friends again. It wasn't great to be surrounded by cold again. Austin was a great trooper and smiled for most of the 21/2 days. He wasn't even THAT grumpy for the Teva games that was accompanied by hail and a rain storm in 40 degree weather. Or when I had to change his diaper on the side of the road and it was snowing. In JUNE. I need to move to a beach.

Caitlin took in an abused dog last year. It was supposed to be a foster situation, but Charlie kind of chose her when she dropped him off at his adoptive parents house one day that was 10 miles in a direction that Charlie had never been. He bolted the next day and showed up at Caitlin's front door two days later. He had some problems being an indoor dog, and in Vail, as pretty as the outdoors are, you aren't going to have a beautiful yard unless you are 70 and living there half time. Charlie finally came to a good home down in the front range. Many miles from Caitlin's front door, and hopefully, to many acres he can call home. Anyway, back when Charlie was getting to know us (I was living with Caitlin at the time) he would huddle back a ways, stare somebody down, go for a sniff, and maybe touch them with his paw. This was the most anybody got to feel of Charlie besides Caitlin who usually had to push his black and brown furry butt out of her lap. When Austin and I got to Caitlin's, I plopped him on the floor. He hung around my legs for a bit while Caitlin sat on the floor. After a while, Austin crawled right up to her and sat staring. Finally he reached out a hand and patted her leg before crawling right up into her lap. It was pretty humorous watching this as it brought back so many memories of a different animal on all fours.

The little boy can scoot around and he is loving life. He pulls himself up on just about any little surface which includes slippery bathtubs, tipsy hampers, and moving drawers. The more dangerous, the more times he will go after it. I'll post some pictures, but then it's time to say GOODNIGHT!

I can't tell you what I do with my days, I just know I'm busy

2008-05-22T21:11:00.004-06:00

I don't know the exact statistic, but I bet it would be around 47%. Moms tend to cancel things. If I plan 10 activities for a week, I'll usually make it to about 6 of them. I used to feel bad about this, but then I noticed it is kind of the norm with a lot of my mom friends. When it gets really bad though, I dig in my heels and go.

This morning I woke up to a smiley Austin at around 5:50 in the morning. This was welcomed as I had been up almost every hour since 10PM. Not all of the night waking was due to Austin though. It was a blustery night and our wood blinds like to go crazy when the wind comes through, so I kept having to get up to readjust the windows as Chris was gone and I couldn't kick him out of bed to take care of it. It would be good to mention now that it isn't just activities that get canceled, but basic actions around the house. For example, our bed has not had a fitted sheet on it for the past 3 nights now. Austin has been sick and the last time he pooped on the bed (4 days ago) I took the sheet off again (the third time in a week due to his tummy bug) and we have just not gotten around to putting it back on. We are sleeping on a bare mattress people, and I really just don't care.

Austin and I go downstairs to feed the dogs as they refuse to have one meal any later than 5AM most days and had let me get in an extra hour this morning. We go back upstairs to change the baby and he has poop everywhere. Again. The fact that he has not wanted to eat real meals lately has caused us to have newborn poop again. Now that he is bigger, he has more of it. And I guess his back has the perfect arch to make it shoot up and out to coat the inside of his shirt. Then, when the shirt comes off, it coats his arms. It is absolutely disgusting. Into the bath he goes. I get the baby and the changing table cleaned up and I am finally able to eat breakfast and get ready for the day. This is when I usually clear our schedule for the day and say we'll just make it next week.

Today we actually did make it out, which was nice. But it is no wonder why our mom groups are never predictable. Everybody is busy dealing with poop flying places it shouldn't be, babies finally falling asleep, and eyes opening to homes that have been in complete disaray for who knows how long. It's nice to know it's understood and completely acceptable to just say, I couldn't make it, because I didn't want to. And on the flip side, it is really nice to feel like you accomplished a lot when your hair and teeth are brushed by 10AM. Even if it is Thursday and you haven't showered since Monday.

Quack

2008-05-20T22:31:00.002-06:00

"Oh Austin. You look like a duck." - Mom at BBQ the other night.

It's true, his fuzzy hair was sticking straight up as he had had a shower before the outing. He's our cute little chick.

A stroll for hope

2008-05-18T13:12:00.002-06:00

Tuesday night we woke up to being showered in puke. It was gross, but mostly, it was sad. Austin didn't understand why he had a continuous line of fluid coming out of him rather than going in. He looked pretty dazed and confused. This went on for an hour and a half before the diarrhea set in.

1 AM came around and we found ourselves being admitted into the ER at the hospital. The baby just looked too pale and listless and the fluids coming out were non stop. Of course when we were checking in Austin was giving his lovable grin to all who would look his way. He had his sleepy hair that was standing on end and he was in PJ's, so I'm sure he just looked like a really sweet cuddly baby that have some crazy parents that have nothing better to do than take trips to the hospital in the middle of the night.

They gave him something to calm his belly. The male nurse came in who looked to be in his 20's and said, "Oh yeah, that stuff is good, that's what we give all the drunks who have hangovers." He was a nice enough nurse and checked on us regularly. He cuddled Austin and made him smile, but I think it was one of my first "mom" moments. No longer was I a person who could find the humor in a baby taking the same medication as a stumbling college kid. I was the mom with the sick baby who was worried and sitting in some medical room wishing for the puke to stop. I gave a polite chuckle as he left the room and cuddled Austin a little tighter. We nursed him and 30 minutes later with no signs of puking, Chris told them we were ready to head home.

Our experience wasn't scary. We knew Austin would be better and we felt lucky to have the health insurance that we did so deciding to go to the hospital was only a pain in the fact that we had to get out of bed. Austin is on the mend. I don't think he is great yet as he still pukes if he eats solids, and that is only rarely as he refuses to eat them. But still, it wasn't a fun experience, and one that I am in no hurry to have repeated.

I have a friend whose daughter has Cystic Fibrosis. Most of the people who know me know this as I am participating in a walk for CF on June 7th and am in the middle of the fun process of raising money. If you haven't been asked for a donation, but would still like to contribute, you can always go HERE.

My friend ended up at Children's Hospital this week because her daughter has had a month long cough. They sent her home with a thousand more medications to add to the bazillion she already takes. She is 7 months old. They told her that if the cough still hasn't cleared in 2 weeks, they will need to have the girl admitted for a couple week long stay. The thought of that freezes me. How can you make sense of that? Turns out, you can't. My friend says it was a huge wake up call. Her daughter really does have this terminal disease and it will be there, staring at them, for her entire life. I can only hope that her entire life is on the longer end of the life expectancy for kids with CF...somewhere around 37 or 40 or so. 37 sounds so young when you have a baby's face to put with that sentence.

Knowing the differences between her and I when we enter a hospital makes our experience seem like a trip to the carnival.

There are so many walks and fund raisers and talks on finding a cure. A cure for cancer, a cure for AIDS, a cure for the common cold. I think what is forgotten a lot of time is the desperation in that finding. You want to snuggle your kids and tell them it will all be OK. For my friend, a lot needs to happen before she can have that talk with her baby. I hope that I can be of some assistance in helping her reach that goal.

Would a snowsuit be appropriate?

2008-05-13T08:36:00.007-06:00

There is a swim party Chris and I are supposed to go to this Wednesday night. Our neighbors have a pool and every year when they open it, they crank the heat up for a party and then turn it down for the normal season. Being that I haven't been pregnant for almost 8 months now I think it would be a little overkill to wear my maternity swim suit. This is the suit that I still wear when Austin and I go to the rec center. I just don't think it measures up to party attire though, and I would be so sad if people then thought I was pregnant and I would have to say, "Oh, no. I just haven't completely delivered the baby from 8 months ago."

I'm happy to say that I have reached my pre-pregnancy weight. I've been holding steady here, and though it was the heaviest I've ever been, I'm still happy to have reached it. It just seems though that I look completely different. "But that's supposed to be expected!" everybody says. Yes, it's expected, but still frustrating and confusing and disappointing.

I blame this on my mom. She claims that the most she ever gained throughout her two pregnancies was 23 lbs. I thought I had pregnancy in the bag. I could have babies, and maintain my body weight without even thinking about it. HA! Three months in and people were asking me when I was due. Not kidding. I gained about 35 lbs, and while that's not a ton, it was ALMOST a third of my entire weight. It's like I ate both my legs for dinner.

Here is a picture four days after Austin was born. I can remember getting dressed and going, Damn! I look GOOD! I wonder if people will even be able to tell that I was pregnant? Now that I look back on the picture, it's hard to imagine that I wasn't still pregnant. I look to be at least 8 months along.

I've come a long way since then thankfully. Like, for starters, I have my chin back. And I can see my toes. But, I feel like I still have some work to do to feel healthy. It's not that I want to shed the pounds, it's just that I want to work on the pounds I do have and put them back into place.

Today starts the day when a neighbor girl is going to come start watching Austin so I can work out. She is 12 and really sweet. I trust her to entertain the baby for a bit and I'm hoping I can trust Austin to not sit and scream at her for an hour. I am excited to start putting actual effort into building some muscles again, but furthermore, I am curious to see how my body responds. I like to think that it will treat me well and respond with genuine enthusiasm. Maybe so much enthusiasm that I can wear a regular swimsuit on Wednesday night.

Nemesis

2008-05-06T20:20:00.002-06:00

It might be possible I am allergic to water. Why else could it be so incredibly difficult for me to drink the damn stuff? Take this moment for example, I know I need water, I know I need to increase my milk supply (that was apparent after Austin gulped down two bottles of formula tonight after he had dried me up like a prune in the August sun) and I know my water bottle sits half full on the table in the other room. A logical person would think I would get up and get it, but this is the exact case every single day. I let it sit, walk by it, stare it down, and NEVER drink it. That is until right before I go to bed, feel guilty, and take a few chugs. Ok, one, two, three...I went and got it. I even took a few sips.

Maybe it's because I don't really believe water does anything for you. Milk makes your bones strong, coffee makes me happy, but what does water DO?

I told the guy massaging me a week ago that I don't like to drink water and he wanted me to google "Pani Prayog." I did. The website talks about water therapy and how it will cure just about anything, then at the end, it says it will even cure "uneasiness." What the hell? Good thing to throw that in just in case nobody sees their sickness healed, they could always claim they feel less uneasy.

Basically, water therapy is the practice of drinking 1.25 litres of water within 5 to 10 minutes of waking up. You are supposed to do it before anything else. The massage guy told me I shouldn't even go tend to the baby. Yeah buddy, that would go over great with the cutie who just found his screaming voice. Nice and peaceful morning water with the background noise of blood curlding screams. No thank you.

I will start trying to drink water in the morning. If anything, it will give me a nice head start to the day. I figure I need to give this the best shot I have or Austin will find himself permanently on formula with a shriveled woman he should call mom. You can be sure that I won't be holding off on brewing that coffee for two hours though!

Anybody out there that would care to list the benefits of water? Ones that don't promise it will make me less uneasy?

I was wrong

2008-05-02T18:58:00.004-06:00

This week Chris was gone on Monday and Tuesday night. By Wednesday, we were ready to have him home. He was ready to be home. We decided he would take a half day on Friday and we would do something fun. On Thursday, he realized he had a meeting to attend and that wouldn't be possible.

Sitting at home with no office responsibilities, I was able to get mad and act selfish. He looked at me, understood, but told me to get over it. On top of this, I was sick. My sinuses were bad, my throat hurt, and my body ached. I was ready to pout all day Friday.

This morning, 4:20 rolled around and Chris got out of bed. I finally realized that I knew he didn't want to do this, and I felt bad for him, hoping he had a good day. 6:00 rolled around and Austin woke up. As I was getting ready to get up, Chris walked in the room and took Austin, kissed me good morning and told me to sleep a little. This was so welcomed after a night that Austin was up every 1 to 2 hours. I slept. I was able to sleep without a little heat muffin on one side and a big teddy bear on the other. It was the best two hours of sleep I could have hoped for. I woke up when I was ready, and not when a little guy thought it was fun to play with my nose. It was pretty refreshing. My dear hubby took care of me this morning, and it got the day off right.

After spending the morning with Chris I got to go to coffee with a friend of mine that has come into town from Canada and I haven't seen since the beginning of January. We went to a new coffee shop that is kid friendly meaning they have a ton of floor space for kids to play and roll around. We sat for a good two hours and I headed home for Austin's nap. When he woke up, I got to listen to this:

Chris just got home with the idea of breakfast for dinner, and in my mind, that is a 5 star rating.

I guess I don't mind being wrong when it means a dreaded day turned out to be pretty awesome.

The Mom Circuit

2008-04-29T10:30:00.000-06:00

Moving into a new house when you are in the middle of your pregnancy does not lend itself to making new friends. I was huge, hot, and lazy. I was in no mood to go next door and say, "Hey! Let's go do something!" As the only thing I wanted to do was sit in my underwear and suck on Popsicles. For some reason though, the dogs did not find this fun, so I would find myself dragging the hairy beasts to the local dog park for some frolicking fun. One hot day Dakota frolicked right into a two year old and knocked her down. That is how I came to find myself actually having a conversation with two women in the middle of the day. Being preggo and Popsicle focused, I enjoyed the conversation, but left soon after.

A couple weeks later, Chris said, "Hey...shouldn't we be taking some birthing classes?" I laughed saying the baby wouldn't be here for WEEKS! He decided to look into it anyways. The type of classes we wanted to take were called Bradley classes. It turnes out they are 12 weeks long. We only had 12 weeks until our due date. This resulted in me being very upset that we would never be ready in time for the baby and Chris calling around to a lot of Bradley classes that were not surprisingly full given the fact that all these other parents probably had their shit together and were signed up for classes before they conceived. He finally got us into a class with a woman that condensed the material into 10 weeks, had room for us, and classes started the next week.

On the way to our first meeting we imagined we were headed to a weird hippie's house. We pictured plants and herbs sprouting from every imaginable corner, us sitting on yoga mats and learning how to stroke each other's hair. Instead, we were met by a very nice and normal looking woman, ushered into a very nice house, and plopped down on the gorgeous leather sofa in the home theater room. The other couple in the class arrived shortly after and the woman and I looked at each other and realized we knew one another from that hot day at the dog park when our Dakota knocked over her friend's little girl. A friendship was born.

Since then, Gina and I have joined numerous mom groups. There is the Monday morning group in Boulder, on Tuesdays we have our pick from a park playgroup, a neighborhood get together, or now, a Longmont get together. Wednesdays is the day off. On Thursdays we have the infant group in Boulder and Friday is for our casual get togethers at somebody's house. As funny as it is that I like to arrange my days based on these groups, they are a lifesaver. Four days a week, Austin and I have a focus. He has a group of supportive families around him that he will hopefully know for years to come, and I get to feel normal that I am not sitting at a desk somewhere. This might be the reason I went a little crazy in support of the Parenting Place. The non profit that puts these mom groups together and leads us together.

Last Saturday night the Parenting Place had a benefit. It was a fancy affair, so I was excited when Gina got a group of us together. I would finally get to communicate with these women without the babes hanging off our hips or sitting cross legged on the floor. Maybe we would get to drink a little (even though that has been adopted into our Friday afternoons, but still....), show off our hubby's, and talk in full paragraphs. Chris and I were some of the first to arrive, and a 9 year old boy asked us to buy a balloon. We did, for $20, and won a gift certificate for Noodles and Company. That was score enough for the night. The silent auction went on, and Chris and I were able to window shop and simply enjoy talking to the other guests. When the live auction came on, Chris and I were going to root root root for Kris and Gina as they were going for the biggie: the week long trip to Washington. They logically figured that they wanted to go somewhere this summer, and it's gorgeous up there, so why not support a good cause along the way? The auction was about half way done when all of a sudden my hand was shooting up in the air bidding on a weekend getaway to the mountains. Chris looked at me and said, "Ummm... was that an accident? Don't raise your hand when the bidding is happening....OH! You're doing it again!" And yes. Sure enough, my hand had just bid us a weekend trip to the mountains. And I won.

I'm not quite sure what prompted me to start flapping my bid card in the air. It could have been my two glasses of wine, or the excitement of the evening. It could be that it was my first auction, and I felt I needed a souvenir. Most likely though, it was a need for the Parenting Place to receive it's funding so I can continue to have my mornings there, surrounded with mamas that I get to have a conversation with, babe on my hip and sitting cross legged on the floor.

April Showers

2008-04-28T13:53:00.004-06:00

It hasn't been raining lately, but emotionally, there has been a downpour. Friends new and old, as well as family members, have been going through a tough time. Apologies for the lack of writing, but what's been on my mind lately hasn't been mine to write. Here's to hoping that May Flowers will come, from the ground, and from within.

Our little Austin Bug has been getting funnier by the day. Yesterday we spent the day building a pergola. My little birthday present. Besides the mosquito killer. It was a great day as from wake up (at 6:30) until 6pm Chris and I worked side by side fabulously. We could hand each other the right tools without being asked, all measurements were correct on the first try, and we ended the project with an eensy pile of left over wood so we would high five each other saying GO GREEN! One of the best parts for me was that Chris wore his tool belt. Not quite sure why I like that so much, but he is just so cute in it! This was all until the LAST piece of wood went up. We were hungry, Austin had had enough, and poor Chris was physically tired as drilling upside down can be a little hard. It's OK though, as we will carve a little heart in the piece of wood and it will commemorate our first home building experience, and overall, we loved it.

After Chris and I so selfishly worked all day and didn't play with the pups, we took them to to the dog park. We were carrying Austin as his big floppy hat has been inviting many kisses from other dogs, and I'm not quite sure when the day will be that a kiss could turn into a bite, and the park won't be so much fun. I started twirling circles with Austin which resulted in some pretty high pitched squeals of laughter. I am amazed when he interacts with us like this. I know that on a daily basis I care for him, talk to him, and make him giggle, but when he starts showing his own preferences and train of thought, he is no longer a baby, but a person. A little person that I get to spend every day with. How lucky am I?

Pride and Joy

2008-04-19T09:09:00.003-06:00

Everyday, whether it be in the grocery store, on walks, at the park, in the library, I talk to other moms with kids. Everyday I get the same conclusion: Wow! You have a big boy! I've heard this since hour one with this kid because he was born on the same night that another full term baby was born weighing 4lbs. Being 7lbs 15oz, Austin was almost double his size. Not only does he weigh on the heavier side, he just looks bigger. I'm not quite sure why. I personally think it's because his bones are big. He just does not have baby bones.

Yesterday was truth time. Was this baby big, or was it just our imagination? He is 7 months and weighs in at 20lbs 6oz, measures out at 28 inches and has a head circumference of 27.5 inches. This puts him in the 75th percentile for all three measurements. He is a perfectly proportioned, larger end, but not largEST baby. The nurse said it is only her third time ever seeing a baby be in the same percentile for all three measurements. This kid. He makes us proud.

Austin's weight is not the only thing growing. His personality has spiked recently too. He is giggling and giving us belly laughs like we have never heard before. He was a slow smiler, and I guess he was a slow laugher. Now that he has discovered this sound, he likes to belt it out. Laughing...and coughing.

Eating solids was making his gag reflex go into overdrive. Only once do I think he was really choking (and just a little choke...nothing life threatening). When he would start with the gag face I would cough and laugh at him to get him to do the same and therefore tackle the puke that is sure to follow the gag before it is splattered all over. He has started to imitate it and now just likes to cough for fun. In a city where germs are regarded with high importance, I like to make sure other moms know he is just being funny and not laughing at the fact that he is spreading sickness to all.

I love when people laugh the loudest at their own jokes. You can tell they have a good time because they don't need other people to make them smile. Driving in the car and looking over to see the driver next to you laughing those big laughs with their mouths wide open and nobody else in the car is the best. I'm pretty sure Chris does this on a daily basis as he listens to the comedy stations on XM during his drives and if Chris loves anything, it's inappropriate jokes. Yesterday while we were driving I heard Austin in the back talking to himself. All of a sudden there was a series of coughs immediately followed by him cracking up. This kid. He makes us smile.

Processing

2008-04-14T12:02:00.005-06:00

My friend Caitlin is the closest thing to having somebody live in my head and understand just about anything that I will ever think and feel. We can have endless hours of conversation about how grass grows if we wanted to (and I'm pretty sure we have done this when she decided to plant a small lawn for her dog in the mountains one summer), but more than that we can talk about real things that matter to us. Politics (she's republican, I'm a democrat), religion (she is, I'm not), child rearing (she knows more, but I'm the parent), and work (we both don't agree with it).

Being Freshman in College

She called this weekend to tell me she got accepted into her favorite law school. It's in Oregon. Back up. Caitlin decided to apply a couple months ago. I stupidly supported this as I laughed saying, OK, go for it. You won't actually fill out the paper work for another three years. When she wants to be good with paper work, she's excellent, however, she very seldom wants it. She proved me wrong and got it in the day before it was due. I think. Even if she hadn't, she would have been able to talk the admissions people into accepting her anyways. She applied to six schools, and got accepted to six schools. Not only that, but most of the schools offered to pay for her to come in various forms of scholarships. She is a smarty pants.

When she called to tell me, it might have been the only time she has asked me, "What are you thinking?" because she always knows what I'm thinking. On the phone, across the country, when she's sitting with me, she knows. Not only does she know, but she understands, even if she doesn't agree with me. I told her that I was happy and proud of her, but that I had to process this when I wasn't on the phone with her. Mostly because I was going to cry and we were at Costco, and that is no place for tears.

A shed was needed in Red Cliff...Caitlin dug right in with a borrowed truck. Permits? What permits?

Well, I have processed, and I don't like this. Not one part of me is happy that she got accepted and is now planning a life a couple states over. I don't like that this is happening in the next 3 months. And I don't like that she won't be going to DU and living in our house. I wish she was dumber so no law school in it's right mind would accept such a creature, and I wish she didn't have ambition so she would be happy with being the gas station attendant which is the closest operating business to my house. But that is the selfish part of me.

The other part of me is really really happy for her. I'm happy that she had the choice to go to just about any school on this planet because they would be lucky to have her. She deserves anything she wants, and if a degree in law is what she wants, then I think she should have it tomorrow. I'm proud of her for not living the easy way which would have been to stay in the situation where she is now, a job in the area of her dreams (soccer) and living in her own beautiful condo. in Avon.

Visiting Austin in the hospital before running home and cooking an entire birthday dinner and cake for my dad so we could still celebrate his 50th even though it was on a hospital balcony.

Then there is another part of me that thinks that this might be some small coup for me. Because I know that no matter what I do in this life, I will not only have a best friend, but have a lawyer who will back me up 100%.

Here Comes the Sun...

2008-04-13T17:44:00.002-06:00

What a great day! It's hard to be tired when the day looks and feels like it did today. We started the day at 6:30 when Austin decided it was grin and giggle time.

It was then off to Sutherland's with my parents for my B-day gift: wood! Yes, I asked for wood for my birthday to build a pergola in the backyard. Construction starts next Saturday at 7am sharp. Any takers?

My mom, Chris, the pups, baby and I enjoyed a really nice walk with Gina and Bronwynn as dad ran and then we came home for some swinging time. Chris is firing up the BBQ and we'll enjoy some Oprah's Big Give tonight with a NEW Desperate Housewives!

I really hope the world cooperates and gives us some nice spring weather for the rest of this month until we hit summer. Maybe then all FOUR of this week's mom groups can have some outside time and that coffee my dad has to buy due to a loss in a bet will be iced!

Like a Weed...a really cute weed

2008-04-12T15:42:00.007-06:00

I take pictures of the baby just about every day. We have approx. 3500 of pictures of him to date. Seriously. And I pore over every one of them every couple of weeks. Sometimes it takes these pictures to highlight just how fast he is growing up. Like in this one, he looks like he just got home from school, dropped his bag on the floor, and flopped in front of the tube for some relaxation:

Or this one, where he could have just ran back inside from playing with his friends around the neighborhood and is a little exhausted:

Luckily I have shots like these to show me that he really is just a baby still. One I get to hold and tickle and cuddle all the time. Even in the middle of the night when I forget I want to.

Next Week: Gourmet Green Beans

2008-04-11T15:43:00.003-06:00

My culinary skills have always left something to be desired. That's OK with me though as anytime I cook a nice dinner Chris is quick to thank me. Last week we had french toast for dinner. Twice. And we all loved it (mom was staying here). I guess that's just the family we are.

When we first moved to the mountains Caitlin and I would enjoy our afternoons together by walking along the railroad tracks and drinking a bottle of wine while the dogs would run wild. Then one of us would make dinner. By one of us, I mean 95% of the time, Caitlin would. 4% of the time I would make tacos, and the remaining 1% of the time I would whip up something that just sounded good. Most of the time, that would mean it had artichoke hearts in it. I didn't know this until recently, but my surprise dinners were given a nickname of "Jessica's Special" or something along those lines. Meaning, they are good for Jessica, and everyone else should grin and swallow.

Since I have started staying at home, I have found myself getting more and more interested in what we are eating. I have been visiting allrecipes dot com and going over the ratings and figuring out which ones I should try here at home. They have been a success and I think Chris gets slightly excited that we might start eating like grown ups by the time Austin is ready to leave the house. I like to think that I'm giving my future daughter in law (Bronwynn??) something to win over Austin with. If she isn't serving cereal, his heart will be hooked.

Recently Caitlin and Jen were coming over for dinner and I thought that this would be a great time to impress her and show her my new cooking abilities. Because I would be running around that day, it couldn't be something I had to prepare right THEN. Caitlin has a love for casseroles, so I turned to my trusty online tool and went in search of the perfect casserole. There was one that intrigued me. It had chicken, swiss cheese, some other stuff, stuffing, and you could add broccoli if you wanted. I wanted to. Though it was only rated by the person who posted it, she did give it 5 stars. Usually I go for things that are rated by over 100 people and score at least 4 stars, but I let this slide. They must REALLY like it if they are willing to score their own recipe a 5.

The smell was great. It had a good mixture, and I was sure I had chosen a winner. Looking back, I should have realized that a recipe that requires instant stuffing might not be what I would score a 5, but hey, I was in a hurry. I can now only imagine that the person who posted this recipe thinks that Chef Boy R D is a famous chef at a French restaurant and a bottle of Boone's will be the perfect accompaniment to a celebratory dinner. The dinner tasted like crap.

Now, not only will my dinners be referred to as a Jessica Special, people will now know that I go LOOKING for these types of recipes. At least the old dishes were spontaneous and creative. While analyzing my kitchen capabilities, it can be considered a good thing I have a baby. I have begun to make Austin's food at home, and there isn't much you can screw up when it comes to pureed bananas.

I should have said, "You're Welcome"

2008-04-10T12:21:00.005-06:00

Austin and I used to enjoy outings most days. Who says having a baby is hard? I would catch myself saying. Every time Chris would thank me for staying home I would laugh because to me it just felt like I was on vacation, so essentially, he was thanking me for taking an indefinite amount of time off. Austin would curl into a ball, sleep and eat, and observe the world around him. It was like bringing a cute warm doll around that was fun to snuggle with.

The other night Chris asked me if I would like to go out to dinner. I had pictures of me walking all around as Austin loves to exercise his little legs. All plates in the center of the table where we can barely reach them so little swinging arms can't sweep the food to the floor. Asking the waiter to please only provide us with spoons as all utensils end up in the little one's hands, and he's just not ready for points. And lastly, realizing the speed we would have to consume our food and how we might just sound like two vacuum cleaners that were forgotten to be turned off.

I had to decline.

I now understand why people with toddlers don't exactly jump at going to other people's homes. It's like you are bringing a miniature bull and your not quite sure what it will be attracted to. Since having Austin, some toddlers have made their way into our house. You can tell one is present by the trails of cheerios, the upturned baskets, and the toys being flung over the banister. I have one friend that comes over always equipped with a helping tool: her husband. They have two small kiddos and you would think that with there being two parents, one would be able to sit with the moms with the immobile kids and enjoy a conversation. This doesn't seem to be the case as she only gets to talk as she's passing through, tripping on blankets and toys reaching for the lamp that is going to crash.

I'm taking this all in, slowly, and realzing I might have been duped. I watch Austin learn to roll completely over and realize he is well on his way to having some mobile freedom. Though I am quite proud of him and look like a fool clapping and cheering when he simply makes a sound like "ba" I realize my vacation time is coming to an end. Chris should really start thanking me.

For everybody to see

2008-04-07T15:49:00.001-06:00

Many of you know that I have held a somewhat unreasonable aversion to drinking water. This has lasted as long as I can remember. But, if you know anything about breastfeeding, you know that practicing living in a drought is not exactly conducive to keeping your baby fed. Sooooo....I have been drinking. Many of my friends like to keep up with just how much water I have put into my body, and therefore a chart began.

Then I thought, hey, let's make this a healthy thing. My friend Lindsay was over and was talking about how her and her co-workers have a challenge with how many steps they can take. I found my old pedometer and have been wearing it proudly on my hip since. I am also tracking how many sweets I consume in any day and then for fun I threw in how many minutes I spend working out.

Our refrigerator at home has been displaying my hard work on a piece of paper. I used markers to make it pretty and to keep up with it. If you have ever come across one of my family members testing their will power, you would know that we like to be held accountable (except maybe my mom, who we always hold the most accountable even though she does not enjoy this game). So in the case of full disclosure, I am posting my progress here on the Internet where my dad and sister can check in on me any ol' time they want to. For the rest of you who might not care about the minutes I spend sweating per day, just ignore that little chart area and focus on the cute baby above!

Entertainment

2008-04-07T15:25:00.000-06:00

I always laugh at what will get a giggle from Austin. I always think, silly baby, you are are amused so easily. Then I am forced to sit back and look at my choice in entertainment.

Last night's pick was to watch Oprah's Big Give, which is pretty fun and moving. Our second show though is Here Come the Newlyweds. One of those reality shows where people compete and then win a large amount of money. Last night was the finale and I felt very strongly about which team I thought should win. I realized I had taken it a little too far though when Chris stopped watching the show in exchange for watching me. I caught myself curled into a ball, eyes and mouth in equal open O's, and my hand clenching my belly trying to stop all those butterflies from flying around.

I can only hope that is the way Austin is feeling when we play together. He screeches in delight when we play "steam peek-a-boo" where he sits on our bed while I shower and squeegee a line so that he can see me again. The steam builds back up and we play again and again. He also gives me his belly laugh when I tease him with his pacifier. I pop it out of his mouth and fly it around like an airplane always missing his lips by centimeters. I know, I am very creative! And his recent favorite is going to swing on the park swings. This makes me feel like his is older than he is, but he just loves flying towards me through the air.

Maybe someday when he sees the butterflies flying around outside, he will wonder how they got out of his belly and into the air. I will forver be trying to figure out new ways to get him this excited again, but if he is anything like his mama, that won't be too hard!

Riding Piggyback

2008-04-05T14:38:00.001-06:00

Two weekends ago my friend Jenn mentioned that I could trim the yard a bit. If you have ever been to our neighborhood you would know it looks a little fairy tail-ish. Our yard looks like the bad woods. A couple hours later, I was having this conversation with Chris:

Me: Hi! I did some yard work today!
C: Oh good...thanks...
Me: Yeah, I trimmed a bush and accidentally cut the whole thing down. Now you have a stump to remove.
C: Oh good...thanks...
Me: And now it looks vacant, so we need to buy a new bush to put in it's place.
C: Oh good...thanks...

This morning we went to go buy a bush and as we left we noticed a yard sale across the street. Chris and I have a little problem when it comes to things we see. We automatically need them. This led to a purchase of plastic that I never thought we would own, but now proudly display in our backyard. But who can blame us? For only 20 bucks we now get to look at this CUTENESS!

Most of the pictures I took though look like this:

Because he couldn't take his eyes off of this:

Someday I'm sure we will have a lot to explain. But for now, that is called piggy back riding.

And Many More...

2008-04-04T13:36:00.000-06:00

There are two amazing things going on.
1. Austin made this by himself.
2. Nobody quite understands how, but my dear mother in law turns 20 today!

Liberty my Love

2008-04-03T15:42:00.000-06:00

Last summer was a HOT one. Especially when you have added on an additional 35lbs. Especially when you move down from the mountains where it is a bit more chilly. Especially when you are anti-AC.

I kept calling my friend Molly to complain. She kept saying, use your AC.

Chris' solution to beat the heat was to play with the shades and windows. He calculated the times of days when it was beneficial to have the windows open. Which shades should be drawn at what time of day. He knew when to turn the swamp cooler on so that it would draw in cool air instead of hot. It seemed to work.

My way to beat the heat was to open all windows and the back door to "get a cross breeze" and to sit in my underwear on the couch waiting for Chris to get home and take care of all window shenanigans. My way didn't seem to work.

My way did invite all the flies from Colorado and its nearby states into our home. I felt like a sweltering cow and wished very badly that I had a tail to swat them with. Every night as Chris went around the house telling me how I am actually making the house hotter my job was to chase down the flies with the electric fly swatter. At no other time will I ever be as happy to smell burning insects as I was last summer.

Beyond the flies, last summer was the summer for mosquitos. I was bitten from head to toe. At one point I counted over 20 bites on my legs alone. With each bite my confidence in the fact I had West Nile was hightened. When Chris and I would take the dogs out on our walks I would dress myself in sweatpants, a sweatshirt (with a hood!) and cover my hands and feet (I could only fit my swollen feet into flip flops) with DEET. With each application of DEET my confidence in the fact that I was going to deform our unborn baby was strengthened. It wasn't until we went to a friends house for dinner that I learned of the miracle machine.

She said we were going to eat outside so I went to grab my sweatshirt with my hood damning myself for wearing a skirt and providing a feast of leg for the flying monsters. She started laughing asking why I was going to winterize for the summer evening. I looked at her like she was nutso. Maybe she could handle looking like she had measles, but I had a baby to protect from the diseased insects. I told her about the dangers of mosquitos and she simply pointed across the yard at this machine. It was huge, had a propane tank, and made it where they could spend EVERY evening outside with not one bite. It killed thousands. I was in love.

Last Sunday Chris and I took a lovely drive up to the mountains and purchased our very own death trap. It will lure mosquitos in by mimicking human breath, than vacuum them in and dehydrate their little blood filled bodies till they are dead. It is called the Liberty by Mosquito Magnet.

I have pictures of summer barBQ's at dusk spent on our back patio dancing in my head. Austin will be toddling around, wrestling with the dogs. Friends and family will be enjoying a bottle of wine (or three) and thousands of mosquitos will be dying by the second. It will all be perfect as the night air will surely be cooler than our house.

The dogs sleep through it all

2008-04-02T10:20:00.000-06:00

I love my mornings. Austin is having his happy time of day and the dogs are still tired. That said, I REALLY love that coffee.

The most asked question since having Austin is "How are you sleeping?" I find myself having discussions of where, how long, and what times he sleeps with people in the grocery store! Welll World, the answer is NOT WELL!!!

We have recently transitioned Austin into his own crib for naptimes and that went really well. More recently, we have started puting him down for the night in there as well. This means that one of us will be making the cold trek down the hall to fetch the little guy sometime during the night to finish it off with all three of us snuggled in our bed. Or should I say, Chris and I holding onto the sides of the bed trying not to fall out as Austin tumbles around in the middle. For a baby that just started getting mobile, he has awesome nighttime movements!

This has led to frequent wakings of the babe and longer stretches of being up. I believe two nights ago it went something like this:
8PM: Austin goes to sleep
10PM: Chris and Jes go to sleep
10:30PM: Austin wakes up and feeds
11:30PM: Austin wakes up and talks
12:30AM: Austin wakes up and feeds
1AM: Jes starts saying, "GO TO SLEEP!" Austin thinks that is funny. Chris rolls over and buries head under pillow.
2:30AM: Austin wakes up and feeds
4:30AM: Chris gets up, Austin gets up to feed, Jes sleeps and feeds
6AM: Austin wakes up and talks
6:45AM: Austin wakes up for good, Jes sticks finger in his mouth to chew on and lies there until 7:20 when the house is warm (heat comes on at 7)

This routine is normal. Not fun, but it is manageable, and totally normal.

Every night Chris and I think of something that we think will be the magic answer.
Turn on the electric heater!
Give him blankets!
Take away the blankets!
Turn on music!
Rock him!
Give him his pacifier!
Try sleeping on belly!
And on and on and on....And even if they don't work, it does keep the waking routine interesting as we are always waiting for the new thing to WORK!

Last night was funny. Last night our plan was for Chris to go in the first time he wakes up, try a bottle of water, and put him down. This created 30 minutes of screaming. I went in to see if he wanted help, he said no. I went back to bed and heard Chris go downstairs with Austin. I thougt he was looking for milk to warm up and went down to tell him we don't have any and I could just feed him. He wasn't looking for milk. Chris decided that what Austin needed was a good talking to at midnight.

Scene: Lights all on in the kitchen. Chris sleepy in shorts standing wide awake Austin on the counter. "You HAVE to go to SLEEP!!!"

Me: Ummmm...honey, I don't think that is going to work.

I took him and rocked him and he fell fast asleep. Silly boy.

We all went back to sleep to be woken in the next half hour. Finally at 2AM he was brought in to command the middle of the bed again. I'm sure Chris' mind went to what our trick will be for tonight. Maybe he'll try a Power.Point presentation to explain things this time around. My mind drifted to that first cup of coffee in the morning as my head drifted off the side of the bed.

Here I go again....

2008-04-01T08:23:00.000-06:00

So, what is this? Maybe my sixth attempt at blogging? You would think that with all the time I spend reading these things I might want to contribute a little. I mean, I know I am known to be very reserved and everything, but maybe I could get over that and contribute a little to the online literary world. Most days I have a running commentary through my head of how I would write about this, or how I should contact somebody on that, or how so and so would think this is hysterical...But by the time I sit down to write it, my fingers click on my blog list and I no longer care to share as my mind gets sucked into the lives of others and my imaginary relationship with the Internet flares up again.

Seriously, this site will most likely be more about Austin Michael than Jessica Nichole. After all, he is the one people are interested in and in all honesty, he does a lot more than me.

Updates on the wee one: He flops to his belly in the attempt to crawl whenever he is sitting. This is his favorite game especially if I am in the shower as he can't sit back up once he's on his belly, so I have to get out and re-adjust him. He can get up on all fours if he is on his belly and push himself backwards, he can lie on his back and push himself across the room (he goes pretty fast if he's on a wood floor!) AND he has finally started to roll over! Those pudgy little arms can't stop him anymore! He goes from back to front, but not the other way yet.

By far, his favorite thing to do is walk! He giggles as soon as you have him the standing up position and takes off (holding on to our fingers of course). Yesterday he even would stop and turn as if he knew where he was going. Our two big stops were his toy basket, and the blanket of toys we had out on the floor. He tries to follow the dogs, but gives up once they get out of his sight.

OK. enough here. I'm off to read my other sites. And maybe brush my teeth...Just for you Chris!